Couldn't agree with these suggestions more! I give parents similar device and we set firm limits in our own house. If it's a new friend, I tell the parent in advance we do phone-free hangouts. I also recommend having something physical to stow devices when a group of tweens or teens come over - it really makes a difference for self-binding and is a visual marker of the separation. I playfully call it a "phone hotel". Ours is a cute box but there are so many other inexpensive solutions and even high tech ones.
This is a very serious issue, and one I have some experience with. I was raised without smartphones, and when conversing with a member of my generation, I can tell within five minutes of conversation if he was raised in a similar way. One potential solution would be a directory of like-minded families who broadly reject digital involution and smartphones. The issue of how one relates to technology will probably continue as these children become adults. I fully expect that children raised without smartphones will cluster together as adults, as they, unlike their peers, will be capable of normal human interaction. Therefore, in the immortal words of Benjamin Franklin, we must all hang together, or surely we shall all hang separately.
Excellent article. We very much do this with kids at our house: state that children are phone-free in our home and designate a place to put devices to keep them safe. What about this situation though? A child is at our house with a parent: is it still okay to enforce our parenting in the other parent’s presence? Even more murky, in the same scenario, the children go out for a walk, the other kid takes her phone (“to be safe”) and spends the walk ignoring my kids (and all the other interesting things in our lakeside country town) as she’s on TikTok.
We moved to another city, and had our daughter invite other girls to a sleepover. After watching it devolve into a screen fest, despite my requests, the next time I had them all put their phones in a basket. It was not well-received, and despite my wife and I putting energy into other non-phone activities, the kids were visibly annoyed.
They made it through the night, but since then, no child ever wanted to come over to our house again. So by drawing a line, we essentially walled off our house as being a gathering spot as well as making our daughter "unpopular."
After a few years, we moved again and found a more supportive group of families. But the fact remains that by making a stand for no phones, we are isolating our children, especially those like mine that are on the spectrum and are already challenged in creating and nurturing relationships.
I wish I had a magic wand for this problem, but I don't. It seems that as parents, we have to seek other families that either respect our choices and/or encourage their kids to try non-phone breaks.
In the end, maybe the "stand by the counter" rule would be a good balance?
Thank you! Some great advice and language to navigate these (eventual) situations with other kids and families.
Couldn't agree with these suggestions more! I give parents similar device and we set firm limits in our own house. If it's a new friend, I tell the parent in advance we do phone-free hangouts. I also recommend having something physical to stow devices when a group of tweens or teens come over - it really makes a difference for self-binding and is a visual marker of the separation. I playfully call it a "phone hotel". Ours is a cute box but there are so many other inexpensive solutions and even high tech ones.
I love the phone hotel idea! That's a great one.
Such good advice!
This is a very serious issue, and one I have some experience with. I was raised without smartphones, and when conversing with a member of my generation, I can tell within five minutes of conversation if he was raised in a similar way. One potential solution would be a directory of like-minded families who broadly reject digital involution and smartphones. The issue of how one relates to technology will probably continue as these children become adults. I fully expect that children raised without smartphones will cluster together as adults, as they, unlike their peers, will be capable of normal human interaction. Therefore, in the immortal words of Benjamin Franklin, we must all hang together, or surely we shall all hang separately.
Declare computational independence today!
https://swiftenterprises.substack.com/p/computational-independence
Excellent article. We very much do this with kids at our house: state that children are phone-free in our home and designate a place to put devices to keep them safe. What about this situation though? A child is at our house with a parent: is it still okay to enforce our parenting in the other parent’s presence? Even more murky, in the same scenario, the children go out for a walk, the other kid takes her phone (“to be safe”) and spends the walk ignoring my kids (and all the other interesting things in our lakeside country town) as she’s on TikTok.
We moved to another city, and had our daughter invite other girls to a sleepover. After watching it devolve into a screen fest, despite my requests, the next time I had them all put their phones in a basket. It was not well-received, and despite my wife and I putting energy into other non-phone activities, the kids were visibly annoyed.
They made it through the night, but since then, no child ever wanted to come over to our house again. So by drawing a line, we essentially walled off our house as being a gathering spot as well as making our daughter "unpopular."
After a few years, we moved again and found a more supportive group of families. But the fact remains that by making a stand for no phones, we are isolating our children, especially those like mine that are on the spectrum and are already challenged in creating and nurturing relationships.
I wish I had a magic wand for this problem, but I don't. It seems that as parents, we have to seek other families that either respect our choices and/or encourage their kids to try non-phone breaks.
In the end, maybe the "stand by the counter" rule would be a good balance?