I loved this piece. I think a big part of this erosion is due to the shift in parenting in which we take personally all of our children’s’ behaviors as a reflection of our parenting skills. That leads to defensive reactions if another parent intervenes. We have set a high bar of perfection in parenting, and of course we fail at it. I would love to lower that bar and invite more people into the process.
We were driving in the suburbs today and saw lots of signs saying "Drive like YOUR kids live here". That seems to be the real problem, only ever worrying about your own kids.
I am a fan of helping children that aren't my own, and hang out in parks where this is generally accepted. It felt really good last summer when a 10 year old boy came up to me at the community pool asking for a towel because he didn't think to bring one. I loved that he picked me as the "mom" to ask. I gave him a towel with a dose of Philadelphia kindness, telling him next time he has to bring his own. And now I always pack an extra towel, just in case.
Ooh going to steal that idea and put it on the park gates next to the school… it’s so frustrating that the school parents drive so dangerously. They’ve got their kids to school safe whilst endangering mine…
Oh my word, please talk to my kid! I think a less personal car centric lifestyle makes this easier - we are on foot, bike, the bus, the occasional taxi, in and out of cafes, the library, bookshop. Nothing my son likes more than a chatty taxi driver (one memorable 1am, post flight taxi ride where my son and the Uber driver compared their favourite types of seafood).
He is an easy going, very well behaved kid, so rarely would someone step into admonish him for something, but we exist in community and he’s been taught to behave with respect for the people around us (quiet voices on the bus, no running around in cafes, no kicking the seat in front of you). One thing we’ve been stressing since he was 3 was a cheery hello to people we pass. Sometimes they were surprised to hear a little “good morning!” ringing out from the baby seat on the back of the bike, now we have our regulars who we say hello to and have a chat. We chat with the neighbours, sometimes people on the bus. We will stop if someone has spotted a rare bird in the river, or to greet our favourite dogs. School is pushing a thing where children are expected to greet teachers and ask how they are, which seems such an important life skill.
I just think people are crap at assessing risk. I don’t think a chatty person on the bus, or in a shop, is a risk to my kid… I think drivers not paying attention are. I think loneliness and social isolation is… as is the risk of pollution and climate change. In few years, my son will be walking to school independently, and I think our time now is an investment in his safety. The local dog walkers, runners, and council workers doing the litter pick all know him by sight and would intervene if he fell or needed help.
I noticed this break in adult solidarity the other day when I had my kids order an ice cream by themselves at Chick-fil-A. In the adult-crowded line, no one would speak to them. They were cut in line by about 3 different adults and every other one just looked around the room wondering what the heck to do about these children in line. The check out lady was pretty ticked she had to take their order and all in all, it was a pretty sad sight to see. Ordering food is an important skill and (I may be biased but) they did an excellent job!
I just wondered in the moment, how much easier it would be to teach our kids to be a part of the world if we could trust that other adults would help them along the way. If the adults who cut in front of my kids instead said, “hey bud, I think you’re next!” Even still, we’ll keep on sending them to order their own ice cream!
Oh no! That’s so rude of the adults, and it’s not like they are in a massive rush! I make my son and his bestie order their own donuts but luckily the staff is pretty nice.
I know plenty of adults who still haven't learned how to say "excuse me, I was next". I love that your kids are getting the chance to learn all this now. And that is a bummer about Chick-fil-A. The ones near us have the nicest employees who seem to really like talking with kids. I thought it was a "be nice or don't work here anymore" kind of job.
Such a great topic & just the tip of the iceberg! I love the photo you choose for the article. An adult assisting two children, learning a new skill. Getting children out into the world, asking questions together, engaging with other adults is so very important. It not only helps kids figure out more about the people around them & learn about new topics, but it helps adults learn how to interact with curious children! We do this as a family. At the bike shop we recently were asking the technicians all about how they were repairing my son’s bike tire. They looked a bit stunned that he would be interested. But he was curious, so I helped bridge the gap of him asking questions & being curious myself. It was a great convo, we learned so much & interacted with someone who is incredibly knowledgeable in that field of work. We walked away not only with a new tire, but with our questions answered & a wonderful interaction.
We had an electrician in and my 6 year old son was obsessed with what he was doing. We kept calling him away so he wouldn’t bother the electrician, who told us to leave it alone, and explained it. I was in my office when I heard my son say “can I have a go now?” to which the electrician laughed and told him he’d have to wait til he was older to work with live electricity :)
This is the world that Democrats and Leftists have dumped onto our former civil society. These same millennial parents who object to someone speaking to their child are the same people who would call out an adult who failed to step in and save their kid from being bullied or injured by another.
The greater the diversity the more isolationism. Parents in communities( by the old non social media use of the term) tended toward common values and some sense of social cohesion. Parents tended to know others in the community to some extent, so other parents engaging children was generally encouraged. Diversity does add value, but when it created too much isolation and separation then its works against such things . In my opinion.
A story sprang into my head as I read this piece. I worked with MCC in East Africa for a time, and once I visited friends in Kitgum, northern Uganda. They were digging a well in their backyard for a community water supply. By my visit the hole was 40 feet deep and 6 feet wide. They had a two year old daughter who was an active walker and the hole was unprotected. Did they worry? No, the community took care of all children, and no one would let a two-year old wander close. In the US I have a feeling we wouldn't even allow adults to get close without orange tape and a safety harness. Who is safer? Not sure, but my hunch is Uganda.
My Dad told me that growing up, whenever he misbehaved, he would be caught by a neighbor and scolded (even spanked!) and then get a second round from his mother 🤣 he said it made him feel more secure, though, which isn’t surprising. Someone was always looking out for him. Another important piece - while my grandma generally trusted other adults, she listened to my Dad on the few occasions when another adult was unkind to him for no reason, and she stood up for him.
As I was reading this, I had the below piece in the back of my mind.
A key word for me in you piece, Katherine, is "socialization," and so much (most?) of it depends on communication. We (the young especially) are only going to be communicating to and through AI *more* as time goes on. That fact, combined with this highly fearful and restrictive parenting approach, is going to lead to further breakdowns in socialization.
Because, think about it - if I don't need to speak to another human to get 'stuff done,' why do I need to learn not to scream at a playground, or share my things, or be polite to others? I'll be spending must of my time in my room chatting with my AI bot anyway (a trend that has already begun).
I loved this piece. I think a big part of this erosion is due to the shift in parenting in which we take personally all of our children’s’ behaviors as a reflection of our parenting skills. That leads to defensive reactions if another parent intervenes. We have set a high bar of perfection in parenting, and of course we fail at it. I would love to lower that bar and invite more people into the process.
We were driving in the suburbs today and saw lots of signs saying "Drive like YOUR kids live here". That seems to be the real problem, only ever worrying about your own kids.
I am a fan of helping children that aren't my own, and hang out in parks where this is generally accepted. It felt really good last summer when a 10 year old boy came up to me at the community pool asking for a towel because he didn't think to bring one. I loved that he picked me as the "mom" to ask. I gave him a towel with a dose of Philadelphia kindness, telling him next time he has to bring his own. And now I always pack an extra towel, just in case.
Ooh going to steal that idea and put it on the park gates next to the school… it’s so frustrating that the school parents drive so dangerously. They’ve got their kids to school safe whilst endangering mine…
Oh my word, please talk to my kid! I think a less personal car centric lifestyle makes this easier - we are on foot, bike, the bus, the occasional taxi, in and out of cafes, the library, bookshop. Nothing my son likes more than a chatty taxi driver (one memorable 1am, post flight taxi ride where my son and the Uber driver compared their favourite types of seafood).
He is an easy going, very well behaved kid, so rarely would someone step into admonish him for something, but we exist in community and he’s been taught to behave with respect for the people around us (quiet voices on the bus, no running around in cafes, no kicking the seat in front of you). One thing we’ve been stressing since he was 3 was a cheery hello to people we pass. Sometimes they were surprised to hear a little “good morning!” ringing out from the baby seat on the back of the bike, now we have our regulars who we say hello to and have a chat. We chat with the neighbours, sometimes people on the bus. We will stop if someone has spotted a rare bird in the river, or to greet our favourite dogs. School is pushing a thing where children are expected to greet teachers and ask how they are, which seems such an important life skill.
I just think people are crap at assessing risk. I don’t think a chatty person on the bus, or in a shop, is a risk to my kid… I think drivers not paying attention are. I think loneliness and social isolation is… as is the risk of pollution and climate change. In few years, my son will be walking to school independently, and I think our time now is an investment in his safety. The local dog walkers, runners, and council workers doing the litter pick all know him by sight and would intervene if he fell or needed help.
I noticed this break in adult solidarity the other day when I had my kids order an ice cream by themselves at Chick-fil-A. In the adult-crowded line, no one would speak to them. They were cut in line by about 3 different adults and every other one just looked around the room wondering what the heck to do about these children in line. The check out lady was pretty ticked she had to take their order and all in all, it was a pretty sad sight to see. Ordering food is an important skill and (I may be biased but) they did an excellent job!
I just wondered in the moment, how much easier it would be to teach our kids to be a part of the world if we could trust that other adults would help them along the way. If the adults who cut in front of my kids instead said, “hey bud, I think you’re next!” Even still, we’ll keep on sending them to order their own ice cream!
Oh no! That’s so rude of the adults, and it’s not like they are in a massive rush! I make my son and his bestie order their own donuts but luckily the staff is pretty nice.
I know plenty of adults who still haven't learned how to say "excuse me, I was next". I love that your kids are getting the chance to learn all this now. And that is a bummer about Chick-fil-A. The ones near us have the nicest employees who seem to really like talking with kids. I thought it was a "be nice or don't work here anymore" kind of job.
So true! That fear of taking up space, even when you have the "right of way" to it is very real.
But I guess kids can't ask for the manager if they don't like the service 😂
Such a great topic & just the tip of the iceberg! I love the photo you choose for the article. An adult assisting two children, learning a new skill. Getting children out into the world, asking questions together, engaging with other adults is so very important. It not only helps kids figure out more about the people around them & learn about new topics, but it helps adults learn how to interact with curious children! We do this as a family. At the bike shop we recently were asking the technicians all about how they were repairing my son’s bike tire. They looked a bit stunned that he would be interested. But he was curious, so I helped bridge the gap of him asking questions & being curious myself. It was a great convo, we learned so much & interacted with someone who is incredibly knowledgeable in that field of work. We walked away not only with a new tire, but with our questions answered & a wonderful interaction.
We had an electrician in and my 6 year old son was obsessed with what he was doing. We kept calling him away so he wouldn’t bother the electrician, who told us to leave it alone, and explained it. I was in my office when I heard my son say “can I have a go now?” to which the electrician laughed and told him he’d have to wait til he was older to work with live electricity :)
I love this!
This is the world that Democrats and Leftists have dumped onto our former civil society. These same millennial parents who object to someone speaking to their child are the same people who would call out an adult who failed to step in and save their kid from being bullied or injured by another.
The greater the diversity the more isolationism. Parents in communities( by the old non social media use of the term) tended toward common values and some sense of social cohesion. Parents tended to know others in the community to some extent, so other parents engaging children was generally encouraged. Diversity does add value, but when it created too much isolation and separation then its works against such things . In my opinion.
A story sprang into my head as I read this piece. I worked with MCC in East Africa for a time, and once I visited friends in Kitgum, northern Uganda. They were digging a well in their backyard for a community water supply. By my visit the hole was 40 feet deep and 6 feet wide. They had a two year old daughter who was an active walker and the hole was unprotected. Did they worry? No, the community took care of all children, and no one would let a two-year old wander close. In the US I have a feeling we wouldn't even allow adults to get close without orange tape and a safety harness. Who is safer? Not sure, but my hunch is Uganda.
My Dad told me that growing up, whenever he misbehaved, he would be caught by a neighbor and scolded (even spanked!) and then get a second round from his mother 🤣 he said it made him feel more secure, though, which isn’t surprising. Someone was always looking out for him. Another important piece - while my grandma generally trusted other adults, she listened to my Dad on the few occasions when another adult was unkind to him for no reason, and she stood up for him.
As I was reading this, I had the below piece in the back of my mind.
A key word for me in you piece, Katherine, is "socialization," and so much (most?) of it depends on communication. We (the young especially) are only going to be communicating to and through AI *more* as time goes on. That fact, combined with this highly fearful and restrictive parenting approach, is going to lead to further breakdowns in socialization.
Because, think about it - if I don't need to speak to another human to get 'stuff done,' why do I need to learn not to scream at a playground, or share my things, or be polite to others? I'll be spending must of my time in my room chatting with my AI bot anyway (a trend that has already begun).
https://open.substack.com/pub/digitalnative/p/ais-communication-revolution-were?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=4ac6b