We Scroll to Escape Ourselves

Endemic narcissism takes a toll.

Why do we scroll on our phones so compulsively? I've heard many explanations, from accessibility to abundance to boredom to addictive design, all of which are likely true. But recently, I heard another intriguing explanation.

It came from Dr. Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation. When asked by a New York Times interviewer to consider what it is about modern life that makes us humans so susceptible to addictions, both real-world and digital, Lembke offered a "totally speculative" theory:

I think we're essentially struggling with endemic narcissism, where our culture is demanding that we focus on ourselves so much that what it's creating is this deep need to escape ourselves. And I think that is what is driving much of our pursuit of intoxicants as a way to just not have to think about ourselves for a blessed, you know, hour or two.

This perspective fascinated me because it is the opposite of what is commonly suggested, at least in terms of digital addiction, that we scroll because we are narcissists; that we love feeling important; that we spend time posting to social media as a form of status-signaling, to craft an image of ourselves that is projected to the world in hopes of boosting others' perception of us and gaining external validation.

But what Lembke suggests is that we are so sick and tired of being asked to think about ourselves and live in a self-centred vacuum that we turn to our phones, along with alcohol and drugs, simply to stop thinking about ourselves for a few minutes.

The Exhaustion of Narcissism

It is incredibly uncomfortable and exhausting to dwell on one's own well-being for a prolonged period of time. Thinking about oneself obsessively can lead to rumination, which is a leading symptom of depression. And yet, everywhere we turn these days, we are being asked to think about ourselves, to consider, "How do I feel about this? What does this mean for me? How can I do what's best for me?"

This is a major theme in Abigail Shrier's book, Bad Therapy, which says that the current focus on feelings and the constant reevaluation of past experiences can be quite detrimental to people, trapping them in cycles of depression and anxiety. Thinking and talking about your problems all the time make them grow in your mind, to the point where life feels utterly overwhelming.

So, could it be that this feeling is driving us to escape? Could it be that social media is in fact a realm where we go to blissfully consider other people's lives for a while, instead of our own? Not that that makes it healthy or OK (this is not an absolution for social media, which is notoriously toxic), but it is an interesting idea to consider.

A Need for Community

In modern secular society, we are not often urged to think of others and what we can do for them. We are not expected to give back to our communities, to volunteer, to organize, to build, to offer practical support to others. Or if we are, these actions are lower priority than "self-care" and ensuring we feel well as individuals.

I suspect that we can never feel truly well unless we are connected to a broader community. We are social creatures who have evolved to crave companionship. We thrive on acts of service and generosity, on helping others, and this in turn makes us feel happier, more contented, more at peace.

The collapse of the so-called "middle ring" of society—which is comprised of neighbours and people who live around us, with whom we are familiar but not intimate—is a direct result of our lack of engagement with our physical communities. As described by Brown University researcher Marc J. Dunkelman, we've shifted our attention toward an inner ring (family and self) and outer ring (tribes, often found online, with shared interests), both of which are valuable, but still leave us feeling incomplete, not to mention lonelier and less tolerant.

An excellent new documentary called Join or Die recently pointed out that belonging to a club makes us happier, offsetting many of the mental and physical repercussions of chronic loneliness. In fact, your chances of dying over the next year are cut in half by joining a social club of some kind—and, if Lembke is right, you will also spend less time scrolling online.

Her speculative theory would support the notion of needing to fix our analog life first, as described by author Cal Newport, who says that unless we find other things to do and think about, the siren song of our devices will be impossible to ignore. If we can shift our focus from ourselves to others, as in, figuring out how to help them and build meaningful relationships, the less inclined we will be to lose ourselves in dopamine-infused addictive substances and practices, and the happier we will be.

Our lives will have purpose. There is profound relief in realizing that the world does not (and need not) revolve around our own little selves.

You Might Also Like:

• On Eccentricity

• To Post or Not to Post?

• Don’t Be a Digiphrenic

• Does It Need to Be Said?

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