What I find odd is my parents (who are in their 60’s and 70’s) were raised without these devices and raised me without them yet seem more sucked into them now that I am! You would think a trip to grandma’s house would be the obvious tech free zone but it’s the opposite. I’m trying to navigate this in real time because it feels odd trying to parent the parent. I don’t want my son (their first grandson) to think it’s normal for everyone to be looking at a screen all the time or have every moment documented on video rather than just being present with him. Just got back from a visit with my parents and my dad was checking his phone for updates about some scrabble game he plays with his friends and my mom was videoing my son playing and riding the swing with me. I’m find myself holding my tongue until I can figure out a way to speak that isn’t rooted in rage because I want to model setting boundaries and speaking up for myself in a healthy manner vs. losing it in front of my son. My in-laws are the same, TV always on, checking their phones and also talk to Alexa a lot for entertainment…..sigh
"We adults need to normalize the concept of phone-free spaces, and we have a responsibility to create them for children. "
It's not just a parental responsibility or duty (although it is that too)..... it's actually a gift. It's a privilege. We must not forget that!
The problem is it's almost impossible to discuss this issue in 'normal society' (where smartphone use has been normalised) without framing it in terms of 'taking something away', 'restricting use' or 'blocking communications'. But it is the devices themselves which are 'taking away' - and to remove those devices is to GIVE children back their time, attention, communication skills, interactions, health and childhoods.
It's like those youtube videos of a badger with its head stuck in a plant pot, wandering about banging into things. And then some kind soul removes the pot and the badger scurries off happy and free :) Phones are also like buckets stuck on a child's head for 8 hours a day. Removing them is a humane act. It's a gift, not a punishment.
Nobody is going to lie on their deathbed thankful to have spent 8 hours a day on their bloody phones.
Personally, I don't believe public schools or the tech industry can be reformed. I'd rather see home schooling become the norm (along with a return to stay at home parenting) and just let the public school system collapse. But making schools phone free environments would at least be a good start. Russia has now banned wifi from schools, and I think phones too. They seem to be ahead of the curve on this one.
Wondering how you handle smartphone use in a common space like a restaurant or park. Our daughter doesn’t have a smartphone but her friends do, so for example if we’re at a restaurant and the phone comes out, should we say that we’d prefer not having a phone out during meals? Or do we just let it go?
Great advice for an awkward situation. Adults should be the authority in their home. Was always the case growing up.. Too many nowadays seem to be overly worried about what parents or even children think.
Great article! I had similar rules about TV and computer games in the bygone precell-phone days when I raised my children. There’s a strange gain from allowing your children to play with kids who are permitted a lot of time on the machines you limit. The kids don’t feel so much as outsiders to the larger culture that they share with their peers. They feel that they can navigate the world their generation lives in while still being outsiders/observers. If they had no experience at all with such play they may feel alienated and lonely during the crucial adolescent and young adult years. Yet you still live and raise them in the way you feel is best. They have the ability to stand apart and choose what’s healthy in their lives while still being part of a community. They cannot escape their membership in a generation where cellphones are an assumed part of life. By playing with friends they can be members of their generation while still maintaining the healthy lifestyle you wish to pass on.
What I find odd is my parents (who are in their 60’s and 70’s) were raised without these devices and raised me without them yet seem more sucked into them now that I am! You would think a trip to grandma’s house would be the obvious tech free zone but it’s the opposite. I’m trying to navigate this in real time because it feels odd trying to parent the parent. I don’t want my son (their first grandson) to think it’s normal for everyone to be looking at a screen all the time or have every moment documented on video rather than just being present with him. Just got back from a visit with my parents and my dad was checking his phone for updates about some scrabble game he plays with his friends and my mom was videoing my son playing and riding the swing with me. I’m find myself holding my tongue until I can figure out a way to speak that isn’t rooted in rage because I want to model setting boundaries and speaking up for myself in a healthy manner vs. losing it in front of my son. My in-laws are the same, TV always on, checking their phones and also talk to Alexa a lot for entertainment…..sigh
"We adults need to normalize the concept of phone-free spaces, and we have a responsibility to create them for children. "
It's not just a parental responsibility or duty (although it is that too)..... it's actually a gift. It's a privilege. We must not forget that!
The problem is it's almost impossible to discuss this issue in 'normal society' (where smartphone use has been normalised) without framing it in terms of 'taking something away', 'restricting use' or 'blocking communications'. But it is the devices themselves which are 'taking away' - and to remove those devices is to GIVE children back their time, attention, communication skills, interactions, health and childhoods.
It's like those youtube videos of a badger with its head stuck in a plant pot, wandering about banging into things. And then some kind soul removes the pot and the badger scurries off happy and free :) Phones are also like buckets stuck on a child's head for 8 hours a day. Removing them is a humane act. It's a gift, not a punishment.
Nobody is going to lie on their deathbed thankful to have spent 8 hours a day on their bloody phones.
Personally, I don't believe public schools or the tech industry can be reformed. I'd rather see home schooling become the norm (along with a return to stay at home parenting) and just let the public school system collapse. But making schools phone free environments would at least be a good start. Russia has now banned wifi from schools, and I think phones too. They seem to be ahead of the curve on this one.
Wondering how you handle smartphone use in a common space like a restaurant or park. Our daughter doesn’t have a smartphone but her friends do, so for example if we’re at a restaurant and the phone comes out, should we say that we’d prefer not having a phone out during meals? Or do we just let it go?
Great advice for an awkward situation. Adults should be the authority in their home. Was always the case growing up.. Too many nowadays seem to be overly worried about what parents or even children think.
Great article! I had similar rules about TV and computer games in the bygone precell-phone days when I raised my children. There’s a strange gain from allowing your children to play with kids who are permitted a lot of time on the machines you limit. The kids don’t feel so much as outsiders to the larger culture that they share with their peers. They feel that they can navigate the world their generation lives in while still being outsiders/observers. If they had no experience at all with such play they may feel alienated and lonely during the crucial adolescent and young adult years. Yet you still live and raise them in the way you feel is best. They have the ability to stand apart and choose what’s healthy in their lives while still being part of a community. They cannot escape their membership in a generation where cellphones are an assumed part of life. By playing with friends they can be members of their generation while still maintaining the healthy lifestyle you wish to pass on.