Adult Screen Resolutions for a New Year

We have to model the digital behaviours we want to see in our kids.

Photo by Vitolda Klein on Unsplash

Whenever I give interviews about my book, Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens and Find Balance, I am inevitably asked for some of that practical advice. I run through my list of tips before coming to one recommendation that I warn might be the hardest one of all to hear and implement:

“Set an example. It’s not fair to expect your child to limit digital media if you, as their parent, are on your phone all the time.”

This never fails to elicit a reaction from the interviewer. People groan, sigh, grimace, or nod their approval. It’s an uncomfortable piece of information because it is inconvenient. Many adults know it to be true. Many are just as addicted to devices as their children (if not more so because no one is nagging them to get off the phone); and we realize that we are at the root of our children’s problem by modelling such behaviour. Acknowledging that hypocrisy can feel distressing.

Sometimes the interviewer asks me to dig deeper, and I explain that American and Canadian adults spend, approximately, four hours per day on their smartphones. That’s still less than elementary school-aged kids (5.5 hours) and teens (7 hours, 40 minutes), but it remains a substantial chunk out of a 24-hour day that could likely be spent in other, more formative ways. As always, I repeat that I’m not anti-tech; I’m pro-not-missing-out-on-real-life!

I offer some high-level advice, which is to develop and pursue offline habits that demonstrate to your child that there is a wonderful world worth exploring beyond our phones. Ask yourself: Do you spend time outside, reading books, talking to friends, playing music, doing art, and engaging in activities and hobbies that pull you away from the screen for significant amounts of time—in other words, doing the very things that you’d like to see your kid doing more of? (You might want to read The Profound Pleasure of Physical Tasks.)

We know modelling to be the most powerful instructional tool we have as parents—indeed, everything else is fairly pointless by comparison—so how we use our time matters greatly. Our children are always watching.

But here, I’d like to offer some more detailed changes that you might want to consider, if you’re a parent worried about your own screen time habits. The new year is always a great time for a fresh start, and any or all of the following recommendations could kick it off with a healthier relationship to your device.

1. Don’t check social media during work hours

This piece of advice came from Celeste Headlee, author of We Need to Talk (a great book that I reviewed here). Headlee is strict about avoiding all social media between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., which allows her to stay focused on real work. It’s a good way to avoid going down rabbit holes that consume far more time than you intend them to.

2. Remove social media from your phone

I removed Facebook from my phone two years ago, and it’s amazing what a difference it makes. I can only access it from my laptop, which means I only think to check it a few times a week. This is a piece of advice that Prof. Jean Twenge suggests for dealing with teens and social media: Let them have profiles, but only accessible on a computer where they don’t tempt you from your pocket every minute of the day.

3. Call Instead of Text

I have a couple friends who call instead of text, and while it still surprises me, it makes a ton of sense. You can save time and mental load by communicating promptly and directly, rather than relying on back-and-forth text messages that can stretch over hours or even days, without resolving anything.

Relatedly, when making plans, only “touch it once.” This is advice I once read about cleaning (stop shuffling things around your house; just put it where it belongs), and it applies to communication, too. Instead of texting and emailing, if you want to make plans with someone, just call them and put it on the calendar. Then stop.

4. Keep Your Phone on Silent

My phone is almost always on silent, flipped upside down on my desk. It drives people crazy, and it forces me to listen to voicemails and return calls, but at least it happens on my own terms. I decide when to check it to catch up on missed messages and notifications. The main benefit of this is fighting back against the phone’s tendency to fragment attention and engage in deep, focused work.

5. Make Your Phone Boring

This piece of advice comes from writer (and fellow Substacker) Tsh Oxenreider, who posted on Twitter in 2021 a view of her grey-scale home screen. I followed up with her again to learn that she had “boring-ified” it even more, replacing each app’s image with a simple capital letter.

6. Make Written Lists

I try to “batch” my phone use as much as possible. If I’m in the midst of an uninterrupted work block (see my post on time blocking) and think of someone I need to text or something I want to look up, I scribble it on a sticky note for future reference. (There are colourful Post-Its and nice fine-tipped Sharpies all around my house to incentivize this.)

Just this morning, for example, I added five names to a list of people I needed to text, then shot them each a message an hour later; I was done in five minutes. It saved me so much more time than if I’d stopped work and reached for my phone each time.

7. Seek Out Analog Alternatives

If you want to get serious about getting off your phone, go back to older ways of doing things. I love my paper planner; almost nothing goes into my phone calendar. Use paper notebooks and real pens. A digital alarm clock. An actual calculator. A physical radio in your kitchen or garage. Make grocery lists and to-do lists. Read a real book.

8. Take Fewer Photos

Smartphones have brought out an enormous compulsion in people to take photos constantly, but why? Does everything need to be documented? I fear we remember less when we experience it through a camera lens, rather than being fully present. And what of the data burden, the photos that eventually have to be dealt with or deleted? I’m trying to take fewer photos in general, and better ones when I do. It’s one less reason to pull out my phone.

9. Try Not to Use Your Phone in View of Kids

Hard, but worth trying. Even when I have necessary tasks, I try to wait until my kids have left the room or I’m alone to grab my phone. I don’t want their mental image of me to be standing in the kitchen, bent over my device, while they mill around. I want them to remember me as being alert and engaged. I want them to sense that their presence is enough for me, without needing to grab my phone.

10. Think Big

Instead of focusing on how to use your phone less, think about how you want to use your time this year. What do you want to accomplish, and how do you plan to do it? How can you reallocate those four hours of daily screen time toward becoming both more interested and interesting?

And what do you want to pay attention to? To quote the never-outdated phrase from Annie Dillard, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”

Please share any screen reduction tips you might have in the comments below. I am always fascinated to hear how others are navigating this issue.

You Might Also Like:

On Finding Time for Creativity
The Art of Family Dinner
Talk to Strangers