There is also the carbon footprint of duplicating everything from your exercise machines to your fancy home pizza oven. There are real economic and ecological benefits to sharing, as well as the social ones you mention.
Interacting with salespeople has become quite unpleasant in my area. They do not want to be there. They don’t want to talk and it comes through in every interaction.
In the same vein, but sort of from a different angle, you know what I miss? Movie theatres that didn't feel like living rooms. When I go to the movies nowadays (which I love, but don't do all that often) I can't stop thinking about how they want me to feel like I'm at home. Recliner chair (one theatre in town even has loveseat recliners so you can snuggle with your date), tons of legroom, any food I want.
This is the opposite of what I want! I want the "going to the movies with a whole roomful of strangers" experience that I enjoyed as a teen and young adult in the 90s. It's like they've taken the fantasy of a home theatre room and made it public. I hate it! 😂
Yeah, and then they charge you $25 for a ticket for the "luxury" experience! I miss the auditorium setting full of worn-out, sorta stinky stadium chairs and bumping elbows with the person next to me.
I'm with you; going to see a movie with a room full of strangers had a certain magic that I didn't know existed until it was gone.
I really noticed this when we travelled from Vietnam, where we lived, to the US, where my brother lived, to visit. In Vietnam socialising is constant and ubiquitous. Some of that is cultural but a lot of it is just because housing sucks. It is tiny (by American standards) and lacks amenities. Young people often live in SROs ("single resident occupancy", which the US outlawed decades ago, but you see sometimes in old movies). A house for a family might be 80 square metres and shared with 6 people (2 parents, 2 kids, 2 grandparents). No air conditioning, only a single TV, no gaming consoles, no coffee machines, no garden, no yard, etc. Small kitchen and small refrigerator means going to the market every day, like everyone else, so the market streets are always full of people.
So of course you're going out to meet friends at cafes 5-7 days a week. Who wants to hang around in that 24/7?
The downside: yeah, obviously a lot of that is driven by being poor and you can see some of that already changing with the emerging (upper) middle class that can afford nicer stuff. The upside: the city is buzzing with an energy of humanity that even capital cities in the West often lack nowadays (especially after 5pm or on the weekends).
Then we visisted my brother who has a nice but not atypical suburban home in the Phoenix metro. Aircon is on 24/7, which is necessary for survival there but also means just going anywhere is that little bit unpleasant. They have two separate living rooms, a swimming pool, TVs in every bedroom (two TV in his son's room so he & his friends can co-op game), the master bedroom is bigger than my first apartment and is touted as a "parent's retreat", the second floor has an out of the way nook for even more private space if the two living rooms weren't enough.
We visisted for 2 weeks and other than going grocery shopping hardly anyone (us included!) ever left the house.
Of course, there's more to the atomisation than just "the house is so nice there's no need to leave". It is both a push and a pull thing. It's suburbia, so where are you going to go? What are you going to do? I looked up where the closest bar was and it was three towns over and 20km away. I mean, sure, there's like a bar at the Chili's or whatever but not really the same thing as a bar bar. I guess you could get in a car and drive to, uh, some Olive Garden-level Italian chain restaurant. And pay like $80++ (don't forget tax & tip!) for a family of 4.
I was just going to write something similar, Tran Hung Dao, I live in Sweden which is I guess an intermediate between what you describe in Vietnam and what Katherine wrote about...most people here live in an apartment with not much space for private gyms and fancy entertainment, but also a cultural thing as you said. Plus way easier to reach places than the US as well with good public transport and walkable cities. Here there is still the whole online shopping and unlimited movies etc to stream. I have become more conscious recently of how much I go out vs stay at home, I really need to have exposure to people for my basic mental health! I actually posted on my substack two days about a similar topic (talking to real people in public spaces as a defense against radicalisation by social media)! Thanks for your writing Katherine!
Thank you, this is a great piece! Very important theme. I feel it as a freelancer that works remotely, I NEED to get myself out there otherwise the socializing muscles become so weak :-). Especially as a natural introverted person. As for kids… socializing is extremely important yes. We as humans really lost the sense of community. That’s a shame.
This is a depressing line of thinking, but unfortunately I can’t help but feel that it’s right. It’s the Neil Postman and later thinkers argument — this is all driven by technology and we can’t really fight it.
It started with air conditioning. Home TV extended it. Then the internet, then being able to order everything online.
Our every whim is catered by technology, at the expense of our souls. But our simple minds and bodies, evolved for conditions of scarcity, overwhelmingly choose what’s easy in the short run.
Nothing worked on obesity until someone discovered a class of drugs that actually rewires our basic demand/drive system.
Oh for there to be an Ozempic for wanting to sit at home watching 1-3 minute videos and ordering DoorDash.
You are so right overall. I recently retired and the thing I miss most is the interaction with colleagues and students that occurred daily. I don't mind not grading papers, not preparing lectures, but I do miss people. When weather permits, I get on my bike and ride for awhile, but the best thing about the bike happens when I interact with life, the natural world in the Shenandoah Valley, and with the people I meet in route. We need this more, not less.
as an extroverted suburban girl in GA born in the late 2000s:
this is on the spot. My house is pretty small so we don't have much of a patio or exercise equipment, but i still relate to the feeling of being home all the time. Whenever I'm not at school, church, or track, I am alone in my house, along with my mom and sister, who are independently streaming or reading. Likewise all my friends. I get out, but I feel like I don't get out enough.
anyways here's a little thingy i wrote on my substack a few months ago if you wanna read it! I complain about the lack of sidewalks and third places and the car dependency, and the overprotectiveness of nowadays parents and the effects of the internet and tech and social media. anyways here it is if you wanna read it!
I met one of the original tiny home-rs in 2006 in Iowa City (I think it was Greg Johnson). His whol deal was that by living tiny he spent more time in the community, and left more of those important activities -- book reading, interacting, politcal engaging -- to outside of the home. Inspirational. Thanks for your post, always enlightening.
I have to bring up the uncomfortable point that the jabs are quite known and documented and intended to be self spreading, and spending time around many jabbed people is injurious to one's own health. I have experienced illness around the recently jabbed. I keep thinking back to that old experiment on poor monkeys, where the baby monkey was forced to choose between 2 mocked up mothers. one with milk but no fur, and one with fur and no milk. The monkey kept choosing the furry model even though it was hungry. I bring that up to say, the experiment has now been done on the humans, and it is a sick experiment indeed; Isolation kills, but the contents of the jab kill a bit faster imo. I will always choose isolation over poisoning.
There is also the carbon footprint of duplicating everything from your exercise machines to your fancy home pizza oven. There are real economic and ecological benefits to sharing, as well as the social ones you mention.
Such a solid comment that I subscribed to you without reading a single one of your articles yet. Haha.
Interacting with salespeople has become quite unpleasant in my area. They do not want to be there. They don’t want to talk and it comes through in every interaction.
Thanks, Katherine. Another *excellent* piece.
In the same vein, but sort of from a different angle, you know what I miss? Movie theatres that didn't feel like living rooms. When I go to the movies nowadays (which I love, but don't do all that often) I can't stop thinking about how they want me to feel like I'm at home. Recliner chair (one theatre in town even has loveseat recliners so you can snuggle with your date), tons of legroom, any food I want.
This is the opposite of what I want! I want the "going to the movies with a whole roomful of strangers" experience that I enjoyed as a teen and young adult in the 90s. It's like they've taken the fantasy of a home theatre room and made it public. I hate it! 😂
Yeah, and then they charge you $25 for a ticket for the "luxury" experience! I miss the auditorium setting full of worn-out, sorta stinky stadium chairs and bumping elbows with the person next to me.
I'm with you; going to see a movie with a room full of strangers had a certain magic that I didn't know existed until it was gone.
I really noticed this when we travelled from Vietnam, where we lived, to the US, where my brother lived, to visit. In Vietnam socialising is constant and ubiquitous. Some of that is cultural but a lot of it is just because housing sucks. It is tiny (by American standards) and lacks amenities. Young people often live in SROs ("single resident occupancy", which the US outlawed decades ago, but you see sometimes in old movies). A house for a family might be 80 square metres and shared with 6 people (2 parents, 2 kids, 2 grandparents). No air conditioning, only a single TV, no gaming consoles, no coffee machines, no garden, no yard, etc. Small kitchen and small refrigerator means going to the market every day, like everyone else, so the market streets are always full of people.
So of course you're going out to meet friends at cafes 5-7 days a week. Who wants to hang around in that 24/7?
The downside: yeah, obviously a lot of that is driven by being poor and you can see some of that already changing with the emerging (upper) middle class that can afford nicer stuff. The upside: the city is buzzing with an energy of humanity that even capital cities in the West often lack nowadays (especially after 5pm or on the weekends).
Then we visisted my brother who has a nice but not atypical suburban home in the Phoenix metro. Aircon is on 24/7, which is necessary for survival there but also means just going anywhere is that little bit unpleasant. They have two separate living rooms, a swimming pool, TVs in every bedroom (two TV in his son's room so he & his friends can co-op game), the master bedroom is bigger than my first apartment and is touted as a "parent's retreat", the second floor has an out of the way nook for even more private space if the two living rooms weren't enough.
We visisted for 2 weeks and other than going grocery shopping hardly anyone (us included!) ever left the house.
Of course, there's more to the atomisation than just "the house is so nice there's no need to leave". It is both a push and a pull thing. It's suburbia, so where are you going to go? What are you going to do? I looked up where the closest bar was and it was three towns over and 20km away. I mean, sure, there's like a bar at the Chili's or whatever but not really the same thing as a bar bar. I guess you could get in a car and drive to, uh, some Olive Garden-level Italian chain restaurant. And pay like $80++ (don't forget tax & tip!) for a family of 4.
I was just going to write something similar, Tran Hung Dao, I live in Sweden which is I guess an intermediate between what you describe in Vietnam and what Katherine wrote about...most people here live in an apartment with not much space for private gyms and fancy entertainment, but also a cultural thing as you said. Plus way easier to reach places than the US as well with good public transport and walkable cities. Here there is still the whole online shopping and unlimited movies etc to stream. I have become more conscious recently of how much I go out vs stay at home, I really need to have exposure to people for my basic mental health! I actually posted on my substack two days about a similar topic (talking to real people in public spaces as a defense against radicalisation by social media)! Thanks for your writing Katherine!
Thank you, this is a great piece! Very important theme. I feel it as a freelancer that works remotely, I NEED to get myself out there otherwise the socializing muscles become so weak :-). Especially as a natural introverted person. As for kids… socializing is extremely important yes. We as humans really lost the sense of community. That’s a shame.
This is a depressing line of thinking, but unfortunately I can’t help but feel that it’s right. It’s the Neil Postman and later thinkers argument — this is all driven by technology and we can’t really fight it.
It started with air conditioning. Home TV extended it. Then the internet, then being able to order everything online.
Our every whim is catered by technology, at the expense of our souls. But our simple minds and bodies, evolved for conditions of scarcity, overwhelmingly choose what’s easy in the short run.
Nothing worked on obesity until someone discovered a class of drugs that actually rewires our basic demand/drive system.
Oh for there to be an Ozempic for wanting to sit at home watching 1-3 minute videos and ordering DoorDash.
You are so right overall. I recently retired and the thing I miss most is the interaction with colleagues and students that occurred daily. I don't mind not grading papers, not preparing lectures, but I do miss people. When weather permits, I get on my bike and ride for awhile, but the best thing about the bike happens when I interact with life, the natural world in the Shenandoah Valley, and with the people I meet in route. We need this more, not less.
I just spent the weekend grading papers and envy you right now.
as an extroverted suburban girl in GA born in the late 2000s:
this is on the spot. My house is pretty small so we don't have much of a patio or exercise equipment, but i still relate to the feeling of being home all the time. Whenever I'm not at school, church, or track, I am alone in my house, along with my mom and sister, who are independently streaming or reading. Likewise all my friends. I get out, but I feel like I don't get out enough.
anyways here's a little thingy i wrote on my substack a few months ago if you wanna read it! I complain about the lack of sidewalks and third places and the car dependency, and the overprotectiveness of nowadays parents and the effects of the internet and tech and social media. anyways here it is if you wanna read it!
https://open.substack.com/pub/julianarivera/p/how-it-feels-to-be-a-teen-in-the?r=2583sl&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I met one of the original tiny home-rs in 2006 in Iowa City (I think it was Greg Johnson). His whol deal was that by living tiny he spent more time in the community, and left more of those important activities -- book reading, interacting, politcal engaging -- to outside of the home. Inspirational. Thanks for your post, always enlightening.
So I thought that “Netflix and chill” meant have sex… I don’t think that’s what the designer means here!
I have to bring up the uncomfortable point that the jabs are quite known and documented and intended to be self spreading, and spending time around many jabbed people is injurious to one's own health. I have experienced illness around the recently jabbed. I keep thinking back to that old experiment on poor monkeys, where the baby monkey was forced to choose between 2 mocked up mothers. one with milk but no fur, and one with fur and no milk. The monkey kept choosing the furry model even though it was hungry. I bring that up to say, the experiment has now been done on the humans, and it is a sick experiment indeed; Isolation kills, but the contents of the jab kill a bit faster imo. I will always choose isolation over poisoning.