We were out to dinner last night with the kids and sitting next to a family with a baby that couldn't have been more than 10 months old. He was propped in front of a phone flashing some very loud, fast paced kids show and he was so absorbed. It was distracting to other people in the restaurant far away from him so I can only imagine how overwhelming it was for his little brain. He was there with what appeared to be his Dad and his grandparents. The grandpa especially seemed sad about this -- anytime he could briefly get the little boy to look away from the screen he tried to engage with him, but the baby only wanted the phone, which his Dad happily gave him. The grandpa looked over at our table a lot - my 21 month old occasionally restless and yelling for fries (yes, she knows her order ha!) but basically happy sitting on my lap coloring with the provided crayons. My 3 1/2 year old loves going to restaurants and chatting with the waitress and she was sitting perfectly happily on her own in her chair for our hour+ meal. My husband and I chatted and toasted with our Irish beers and we all had a lovely dinner. When the family with the baby left, the grandpa stopped by our table and said to my husband and I "you have a beautiful family." I think he'd taken note of the different table set ups.
It made me really sad to think it's normalized to prop little kids in front of screens during meals -- it's truly dystopian to me! And kids are so easily engaged with simple things -- some crayons, stickers, etc. No phone needed. Why bring it out? And how will they ever learn to make conversation, sit still, wait for their food, if they're never given a chance? Now I am really bad at not falling into providing my kids endless snacks to placate them throughout the day and I can get rushed around mealtimes, but TV dinners for little kids (and let's face it, for us adults too) is a disservice and in fact, having us miss out on so much delightful interaction, bonding, and conversation. Great thoughts as always, thank you for this Katherine!
I cherish family meal time, and our family also has a "no screens at the table" rule. However, I hesitate to judge this mother's choices. We know nothing about her other than what was observed at the restaurant. Perhaps we could give her some grace. Did she have a rough day? Did she just want a few moments' peace while she ate her meal? Does the child have developmental challenges that require her mother's assistance with feeding? There are so many possibilities, that it seems a shame to judge this situation as the mother's normal way of feeding her child, when it could be due to any number of circumstances. Obviously, it's not an ideal way of parenting and nourishing your child all the time, but perhaps she was doing the best she could at that moment. We've all been there.
Seeing kids eating junk food in front of a screen is a pet peeve of mine. When I read “French Kids Eat Everything” I realized I was already instinctively following the rules she laid out in the book. It seems like common sense, but then I look around and realize, well, maybe it’s not.
My kids are teens now, and while I’m still working on my son’s table manners, they do indeed eat almost everything. Dinner time is sacred at least through the majority of the week, and we eat home cooked meals. It’s a hill I will die on. However, I do full time volunteer work and have a lot of control over my schedule. I can understand how parents working full time outside the home would have a very hard time managing a proper family dinner. I have an unpopular thought—in many cases, having dinner as a family several times a week is, in general, more important than kids’ sports teams.
We host often. I’ve had the chance to observe other teens at the dinner table. I’ve had teen girls sit on their knees at the dinner table and hold their fork in a fist. They often exclaim how fancy we are because we sit at the table and use cloth napkins. One of my son’s friends actually complained to my son that we don’t keep snack food in the house (yet I feed him homemade meals when he’s here for dinner). It’s appalling.
The snacking thing is definitely something that didn't exist when I was growing up ('80s early '90s). Except for morning and afternoon tea (combined British/Aussie parents which makes sense) food was eaten at mealtimes. Breakfast was usually a rushed affair but everyone ate at the table no matter what stage of getting ready they were at. Dinner was around the table every night (my husband had a similar upbringing in this regard) and it was how we learned to eat, hold cutlery, talk about our day or something else that was going on. We're doing the same with our daughter now and even though it's just the three of us we make sure it happens every evening. Honestly, it happens naturally by extension when we're traveling or eating out with friends because no one stares at their phones and our daughter brings a book, drawing stuff, etc if there are no other kids her age.
Kim - I hear you on the holding of the forks. Our niece does this (19) and it drives me nuts! I notice it more in the US than I do in other countries, but that's just anecdotal.
We were out to dinner last night with the kids and sitting next to a family with a baby that couldn't have been more than 10 months old. He was propped in front of a phone flashing some very loud, fast paced kids show and he was so absorbed. It was distracting to other people in the restaurant far away from him so I can only imagine how overwhelming it was for his little brain. He was there with what appeared to be his Dad and his grandparents. The grandpa especially seemed sad about this -- anytime he could briefly get the little boy to look away from the screen he tried to engage with him, but the baby only wanted the phone, which his Dad happily gave him. The grandpa looked over at our table a lot - my 21 month old occasionally restless and yelling for fries (yes, she knows her order ha!) but basically happy sitting on my lap coloring with the provided crayons. My 3 1/2 year old loves going to restaurants and chatting with the waitress and she was sitting perfectly happily on her own in her chair for our hour+ meal. My husband and I chatted and toasted with our Irish beers and we all had a lovely dinner. When the family with the baby left, the grandpa stopped by our table and said to my husband and I "you have a beautiful family." I think he'd taken note of the different table set ups.
It made me really sad to think it's normalized to prop little kids in front of screens during meals -- it's truly dystopian to me! And kids are so easily engaged with simple things -- some crayons, stickers, etc. No phone needed. Why bring it out? And how will they ever learn to make conversation, sit still, wait for their food, if they're never given a chance? Now I am really bad at not falling into providing my kids endless snacks to placate them throughout the day and I can get rushed around mealtimes, but TV dinners for little kids (and let's face it, for us adults too) is a disservice and in fact, having us miss out on so much delightful interaction, bonding, and conversation. Great thoughts as always, thank you for this Katherine!
Poor grandpa. So sad this must be for him.
I cherish family meal time, and our family also has a "no screens at the table" rule. However, I hesitate to judge this mother's choices. We know nothing about her other than what was observed at the restaurant. Perhaps we could give her some grace. Did she have a rough day? Did she just want a few moments' peace while she ate her meal? Does the child have developmental challenges that require her mother's assistance with feeding? There are so many possibilities, that it seems a shame to judge this situation as the mother's normal way of feeding her child, when it could be due to any number of circumstances. Obviously, it's not an ideal way of parenting and nourishing your child all the time, but perhaps she was doing the best she could at that moment. We've all been there.
Seeing kids eating junk food in front of a screen is a pet peeve of mine. When I read “French Kids Eat Everything” I realized I was already instinctively following the rules she laid out in the book. It seems like common sense, but then I look around and realize, well, maybe it’s not.
My kids are teens now, and while I’m still working on my son’s table manners, they do indeed eat almost everything. Dinner time is sacred at least through the majority of the week, and we eat home cooked meals. It’s a hill I will die on. However, I do full time volunteer work and have a lot of control over my schedule. I can understand how parents working full time outside the home would have a very hard time managing a proper family dinner. I have an unpopular thought—in many cases, having dinner as a family several times a week is, in general, more important than kids’ sports teams.
We host often. I’ve had the chance to observe other teens at the dinner table. I’ve had teen girls sit on their knees at the dinner table and hold their fork in a fist. They often exclaim how fancy we are because we sit at the table and use cloth napkins. One of my son’s friends actually complained to my son that we don’t keep snack food in the house (yet I feed him homemade meals when he’s here for dinner). It’s appalling.
The snacking thing is definitely something that didn't exist when I was growing up ('80s early '90s). Except for morning and afternoon tea (combined British/Aussie parents which makes sense) food was eaten at mealtimes. Breakfast was usually a rushed affair but everyone ate at the table no matter what stage of getting ready they were at. Dinner was around the table every night (my husband had a similar upbringing in this regard) and it was how we learned to eat, hold cutlery, talk about our day or something else that was going on. We're doing the same with our daughter now and even though it's just the three of us we make sure it happens every evening. Honestly, it happens naturally by extension when we're traveling or eating out with friends because no one stares at their phones and our daughter brings a book, drawing stuff, etc if there are no other kids her age.
Kim - I hear you on the holding of the forks. Our niece does this (19) and it drives me nuts! I notice it more in the US than I do in other countries, but that's just anecdotal.