Thank you for this! My almost 3 year old has become enamored with bugs of all kinds, and in her enthusiasm we've...lost a few lives. I don't love that, but I also don't think it's helpful when older kids or grownups discourage her from picking them up and playing with them. This is such a helpful way to frame her exploration, and I'll keep encouraging her. This is just what I needed to hear.
I wonder if a “lumps and bumps” childhood leads to a less injury-prone adulthood - in the same way that early exposure to allergens can head off allergic reactions later. I have no information either way, but it’s an interesting question.
Also, I count myself as a parent who gets very stressed out by kid clutter. In our house, we let our daughter’s room to be the locus of in-progress creative pursuits, but the rest of the house must be tidied up daily. She is 10, so we make her work with us to keep our home (relatively!) neat. I also have a hard rule about biohazard mess - no food/cups/wet things out overnight.
I bet it does help enormously! That concept is at the root of risky play, a way to let kids take risk and push the boundaries of their bodies and minds in a low-stakes environment. I think that kids who experience high-speed thrills when they're little (from bikes, sledding, jumping, etc.) are less inclined to seek it out as adults, doing much riskier things.
Your "biohazard" comment made me laugh. I agree with that, too! Don't leave anything out that could spill, stain, or smell.
I love this piece so much. Part of me is saddened to read it and realize that this isn't common sense anymore--that *of course* children need to be able to play and get hurt (or hurt others) sometimes. Given how things have changed, though, I'm very grateful to you for sharing this lesson with the world! I often feel discouraged about having children in the future given how ubiquitous screen-based childhood has become, and your articles always give me hope!!
I love this! The “engagement tax.” Great point and well-written. Richard Louv writes something similar in the Last Child of Nature… how we have to let our children fall in love with nature in order for them to protect it and care for it when they are adults. But in order to fall in love with nature, sticks and branches are torn off for a fort, an animal maybe be harmed (as in the case of the toad), flowers picked, etc. It’s a fine balance between ensuring our children learn to respect and care for the natural world but also learn to immerse themselves in it and in life in the best possible way! Apologies if I did not remember it quite right - it’s been years since I read that book but the idea stuck with me! Screen free life is messier but so worth it! 🫶 thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Yes, you're right! I recall reading that, too, in "Last Child in the Woods" (a superb book for anyone needing some nature play inspiration). And I'm sure that's been a large influence on my philosophy, too. Thanks for reminding me.
Great column! I wish that the years of raising my daughter had been less chaotic and affected less by stepfamily drama. It seems like you and Jason have been so much more intentional about the way you are raising your sons, and I really applaud that! My memories of my daughter's childhood seem way too filled with emotional challenges in my life that affected how much I was able to do to create a better creative childhood for her. If she had been blessed by having a sibling, there would have been more options for interactions on a daily basis with someone her own age. I do want to encourage divorced and remarried parents to try Kartherine's approaches to raising your children. I just wish that I had been braver and stronger in those years than I was.
i hear you! i’m in a blended family too and its smoother now several years in but i really feel your comment. i had such an idyllic vision of moving to our land altogether and it was so much harder than i ever could have imagined, really did feel like it took me out who i was for awhile, in a similar feeling painful way to reminisce on. thanks for sharing vulnerably 💞
Thank you for this! My almost 3 year old has become enamored with bugs of all kinds, and in her enthusiasm we've...lost a few lives. I don't love that, but I also don't think it's helpful when older kids or grownups discourage her from picking them up and playing with them. This is such a helpful way to frame her exploration, and I'll keep encouraging her. This is just what I needed to hear.
I wonder if a “lumps and bumps” childhood leads to a less injury-prone adulthood - in the same way that early exposure to allergens can head off allergic reactions later. I have no information either way, but it’s an interesting question.
Also, I count myself as a parent who gets very stressed out by kid clutter. In our house, we let our daughter’s room to be the locus of in-progress creative pursuits, but the rest of the house must be tidied up daily. She is 10, so we make her work with us to keep our home (relatively!) neat. I also have a hard rule about biohazard mess - no food/cups/wet things out overnight.
All of outside is fair game, though.
I bet it does help enormously! That concept is at the root of risky play, a way to let kids take risk and push the boundaries of their bodies and minds in a low-stakes environment. I think that kids who experience high-speed thrills when they're little (from bikes, sledding, jumping, etc.) are less inclined to seek it out as adults, doing much riskier things.
Your "biohazard" comment made me laugh. I agree with that, too! Don't leave anything out that could spill, stain, or smell.
I love this piece so much. Part of me is saddened to read it and realize that this isn't common sense anymore--that *of course* children need to be able to play and get hurt (or hurt others) sometimes. Given how things have changed, though, I'm very grateful to you for sharing this lesson with the world! I often feel discouraged about having children in the future given how ubiquitous screen-based childhood has become, and your articles always give me hope!!
Thank you!!
I love this! The “engagement tax.” Great point and well-written. Richard Louv writes something similar in the Last Child of Nature… how we have to let our children fall in love with nature in order for them to protect it and care for it when they are adults. But in order to fall in love with nature, sticks and branches are torn off for a fort, an animal maybe be harmed (as in the case of the toad), flowers picked, etc. It’s a fine balance between ensuring our children learn to respect and care for the natural world but also learn to immerse themselves in it and in life in the best possible way! Apologies if I did not remember it quite right - it’s been years since I read that book but the idea stuck with me! Screen free life is messier but so worth it! 🫶 thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Yes, you're right! I recall reading that, too, in "Last Child in the Woods" (a superb book for anyone needing some nature play inspiration). And I'm sure that's been a large influence on my philosophy, too. Thanks for reminding me.
Great column! I wish that the years of raising my daughter had been less chaotic and affected less by stepfamily drama. It seems like you and Jason have been so much more intentional about the way you are raising your sons, and I really applaud that! My memories of my daughter's childhood seem way too filled with emotional challenges in my life that affected how much I was able to do to create a better creative childhood for her. If she had been blessed by having a sibling, there would have been more options for interactions on a daily basis with someone her own age. I do want to encourage divorced and remarried parents to try Kartherine's approaches to raising your children. I just wish that I had been braver and stronger in those years than I was.
i hear you! i’m in a blended family too and its smoother now several years in but i really feel your comment. i had such an idyllic vision of moving to our land altogether and it was so much harder than i ever could have imagined, really did feel like it took me out who i was for awhile, in a similar feeling painful way to reminisce on. thanks for sharing vulnerably 💞