Okay now this article I LOVE. It takes courage to publically say that your 9 year old rode a bike 1.5 miles to a busy big-box store. But if more people don’t stand up for it, we’ll never get back to that level of independence being normal!
A friend of mine who is on our kids’ parent council with works for the Ontario Ministry of Children, Community, and Social Services (that’s the name for this week anyway; these things are constantly changing names). She has some horror stories about the kind of things that get parents investigated by Child Protection Services. Unfortunately, there’s a racial dynamic to this too, as investigations are often triggered by public reports, and we know there is bias in reporting.
So I think for people who don’t have such factors already weighing on their perceived fitness as a “responsible” parent, it’s even more important to stick our necks out here and “go public” with free-range parenting to blaze a trail for everyone else.
I was reading something the other day that argued for most parents it isn't even the fear that something will go wrong that is actually the biggest factor in modern parenting. It is that something will go wrong and then you'll be in the news (at a minimum local news or your family Facebook/gossip) as a bad parent who could have prevented something terrible but didn't. Madeleine McCann was in 2007 but I know people who STILL talk about it.
As a new mom who is already seeing the helicopter parenting of my peers, I love reading stories like this! But how are we supposed to reconcile this appropriate need to develop independence for our kids with general society propagating the opposite? I just read an article about a mother in rural Georgia arrested on charges of child endangerment/reckless conduct when her 11 year old son walked to town alone, less than a mile from their home and a town of 300 people no less. I’m just shocked by this. What are we supposed to do?
Imagine what it teaches a child when a reasonable (though not fully responsible) exercise of your own will and competence at age ten leads to your mother's arrest and potential imprisonment.
Katherine, I love the ideas in this post and your wisdom in trusting your children. As an outdoor educator, I do everything I can to support kids taking care of themselves in a social context and doing their own "risk assessments." I avoid using the phrase independence to describe this (or anything else). I often talk about the myth of independence. I believe the most important realization for all of us is that we are all deeply interdependent on each other and all other living and non-living contributors to our global ecosystem.
I really needed to read this. I admit I'm over-protective (and I have pretty good reasons). That being said, I do let my children do things independently and I have to ignore that little stick figure that lopes around in my head yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and sometimes I feel I'm throwing caution to the wind, so to speak, yet I know deep down there are many good things about them practicing these skills. Also, I notice that my husband is often more 'game' to give them permission for things, when I may be a little more reluctant to do so. It's a mercy that my husband chimes in, because I do tend to let fear take the driver's seat more often than I'd like to admit. I'm learning!
There is so much fear based parenting (and fear based living) these days, and I'm so inspired by you letting your son practice his independence. What a confidence boost! And, it's just all so wholesome and precious, a boy and his piggy bank and his problem solving solutions. 🥹
Okay now this article I LOVE. It takes courage to publically say that your 9 year old rode a bike 1.5 miles to a busy big-box store. But if more people don’t stand up for it, we’ll never get back to that level of independence being normal!
A friend of mine who is on our kids’ parent council with works for the Ontario Ministry of Children, Community, and Social Services (that’s the name for this week anyway; these things are constantly changing names). She has some horror stories about the kind of things that get parents investigated by Child Protection Services. Unfortunately, there’s a racial dynamic to this too, as investigations are often triggered by public reports, and we know there is bias in reporting.
So I think for people who don’t have such factors already weighing on their perceived fitness as a “responsible” parent, it’s even more important to stick our necks out here and “go public” with free-range parenting to blaze a trail for everyone else.
I was reading something the other day that argued for most parents it isn't even the fear that something will go wrong that is actually the biggest factor in modern parenting. It is that something will go wrong and then you'll be in the news (at a minimum local news or your family Facebook/gossip) as a bad parent who could have prevented something terrible but didn't. Madeleine McCann was in 2007 but I know people who STILL talk about it.
As a new mom who is already seeing the helicopter parenting of my peers, I love reading stories like this! But how are we supposed to reconcile this appropriate need to develop independence for our kids with general society propagating the opposite? I just read an article about a mother in rural Georgia arrested on charges of child endangerment/reckless conduct when her 11 year old son walked to town alone, less than a mile from their home and a town of 300 people no less. I’m just shocked by this. What are we supposed to do?
Imagine what it teaches a child when a reasonable (though not fully responsible) exercise of your own will and competence at age ten leads to your mother's arrest and potential imprisonment.
Katherine, I love the ideas in this post and your wisdom in trusting your children. As an outdoor educator, I do everything I can to support kids taking care of themselves in a social context and doing their own "risk assessments." I avoid using the phrase independence to describe this (or anything else). I often talk about the myth of independence. I believe the most important realization for all of us is that we are all deeply interdependent on each other and all other living and non-living contributors to our global ecosystem.
I love this!
I really needed to read this. I admit I'm over-protective (and I have pretty good reasons). That being said, I do let my children do things independently and I have to ignore that little stick figure that lopes around in my head yelling, "Fire! Fire!" and sometimes I feel I'm throwing caution to the wind, so to speak, yet I know deep down there are many good things about them practicing these skills. Also, I notice that my husband is often more 'game' to give them permission for things, when I may be a little more reluctant to do so. It's a mercy that my husband chimes in, because I do tend to let fear take the driver's seat more often than I'd like to admit. I'm learning!
What a great story!
There is so much fear based parenting (and fear based living) these days, and I'm so inspired by you letting your son practice his independence. What a confidence boost! And, it's just all so wholesome and precious, a boy and his piggy bank and his problem solving solutions. 🥹
My beyblade rec - if you use a hulahoop as a makeshift arena, the battles are way more fun!
Good advice! Thanks.
Our six-year-old in grade one is obsessed with Beyblades right now, we’ll have to try this!