Love this, Katherine! My husband and I found mountain biking together in our local biking trails here in Utah, and I believe that it’s contributed to saving our marriage. We are in our mid-fifties and will be soon launching the last of our six children. We’ve found that this activity has all the things: time in nature, physical activity, novelty and adventure (no two rides are the same!), a little risk, and most importantly, time together. It’s what makes us feel like kids again, and our favorite motto has become: “A good day is only a bike ride away!”
Preparing for parenthood has been my motivator to make a host of positive changes in my life. Switching to a flip phone has been one of them -- but also addressing long-ignored health issues, reconsidering my career, moving. I'm grateful to my future kid for the motivation!
Great post, but I particularly like this: "I do believe in quantity over quality when it comes to spending time with kids." It's counterintuitive and not really popular thinking these days, but I realized upon rereading it that that's how I feel too. So much happens in the little moments that can't be choreographed--and in the accumulation of many little moments. There's no substitute for time.
My wife and I have just had a listen to you and this has resonated big time with both of us. For the past 20yrs bringing up our three kids, which we have thrown ourselves into, are only recently realising that we need to do more for ourselves, chill more and inject some excitement back into our life.
We Iive in the west coast of Scotland and decided to try out cold water 'swimming' bloody freezing by the way! I was amazed at how much we enjoyed ourselves just flapping around in the River Clyde for about a minute or so! We're back in today for a quick plunge.
Screens is tricky, our younger kids only get an hour of phone time with no social media and phone goes on to downtime. Can't use phone after 7.30pm. We don't have phones at the dinner table either so we can actually talk/argue with each other! I do wish with hindsight that we had bought flip phones for the younger kids, not smart phones.
Keep up the fantastic work, I look forward to your next piece. Thank you so much.
Funny, coming from the dad side of the discussion I'd say the opposite. By FAR the biggest thing I see is dads coming to r/daddit and saying "We have a 3-month old and my wife is mad that I still exercise 2-hours a day, 5-times a week. How do I convince her I will literally die without this me-time?"
A related thing I see is parents (of both genders but especially dads) spending HOURS, to the point where it affects their sleep, on screentime after their kids go to bed. Because they need "me-time" to "unwind".
From a real-life, non-internet couple I know: their toddler would go to sleep at 6:30 regularly. They would both stay up until midnight or maybe even later watching Netflix. And then be exhausted the next morning -- to the point where they asked the nanny to arrive at 7am and they'd immediately go back to bed for another hour or two after passing the kid over. One time the wife took the kid on vacation (husband stayed at home) and decided "why don't I just go to bed at 9pm?" She woke up at sunrise with the kid. Was never tired. Decided it was great. Tried to sell her husband on it (going to bed earlier) and he flat refused because he "needed" those 5+ hours of time to himself every single evening to recover from life.
Obviously it's a careful balance, but in terms of modeling the kind of life we want our children to have: if my children are lucky enough to have their own children, I hope they are the kind of parents who cheer enthusiastically from the sidelines, providing moral support for their child who is playing soccer in the cold rain! (Ideally with hot beverages, a canopy, and us grandparents alongside.)
My advice to that mom would be that she absolutely *is* showing her kids something important by being there: that we can have a good attitude about things that aren't our favorite in support of the people we love. Of course supporting your children isn't your entire life, but it is a huge and happy part of a good life...even in the cold rain.
This is incredibly on-point for so many of my clients. Parenting by Osmosis is a necessary component that has been absent for so many people for so many generations. It is the antithesis of “Do as I say and not as I do”. Thank you for this reminder:)
Definitely agree! I think of how my dad did everything in his power to help us embrace our dreams and interests when I was growing up. Even though we had no money he somehow found creative solutions to guide us into things we cared about. And he had so much genuine joy in doing so... It never felt like we were "the center of the world". Idk, it's hard to explain but it's absolutely a balance.
Good article! Best thing parents can do is get off the devices and go for daily walks with the kids! Let the whole family see that screens are not the priority. Sadly I think this is rare nowadays.
This is fantastic! My mom always like to say "No is not a four-letter word!" Saying no is an essential foundation for self-discipline for us and our children. Also, the conference you described sounds fantastic- opportunity to really develop community and then continue the learning with your book and a ticket to the zoo - get out and do it!
i completely agree with you, but i find this worldview is very hard for modern parents to grasp. I'd love to hear more stories about people who were all in on making kids the center of their world who were able to scale it back.
Also hope that you’re still planning on joining our book club at SFCxUS on May 27th for your book? I’m excited to read it this month! Email me at swimmingupscreen@gmail.com if you’ve lost the email trail! 🤗
Love this, Katherine! My husband and I found mountain biking together in our local biking trails here in Utah, and I believe that it’s contributed to saving our marriage. We are in our mid-fifties and will be soon launching the last of our six children. We’ve found that this activity has all the things: time in nature, physical activity, novelty and adventure (no two rides are the same!), a little risk, and most importantly, time together. It’s what makes us feel like kids again, and our favorite motto has become: “A good day is only a bike ride away!”
🚴♀️🚴♂️
Preparing for parenthood has been my motivator to make a host of positive changes in my life. Switching to a flip phone has been one of them -- but also addressing long-ignored health issues, reconsidering my career, moving. I'm grateful to my future kid for the motivation!
Great post, but I particularly like this: "I do believe in quantity over quality when it comes to spending time with kids." It's counterintuitive and not really popular thinking these days, but I realized upon rereading it that that's how I feel too. So much happens in the little moments that can't be choreographed--and in the accumulation of many little moments. There's no substitute for time.
My wife and I have just had a listen to you and this has resonated big time with both of us. For the past 20yrs bringing up our three kids, which we have thrown ourselves into, are only recently realising that we need to do more for ourselves, chill more and inject some excitement back into our life.
We Iive in the west coast of Scotland and decided to try out cold water 'swimming' bloody freezing by the way! I was amazed at how much we enjoyed ourselves just flapping around in the River Clyde for about a minute or so! We're back in today for a quick plunge.
Screens is tricky, our younger kids only get an hour of phone time with no social media and phone goes on to downtime. Can't use phone after 7.30pm. We don't have phones at the dinner table either so we can actually talk/argue with each other! I do wish with hindsight that we had bought flip phones for the younger kids, not smart phones.
Keep up the fantastic work, I look forward to your next piece. Thank you so much.
Funny, coming from the dad side of the discussion I'd say the opposite. By FAR the biggest thing I see is dads coming to r/daddit and saying "We have a 3-month old and my wife is mad that I still exercise 2-hours a day, 5-times a week. How do I convince her I will literally die without this me-time?"
A related thing I see is parents (of both genders but especially dads) spending HOURS, to the point where it affects their sleep, on screentime after their kids go to bed. Because they need "me-time" to "unwind".
From a real-life, non-internet couple I know: their toddler would go to sleep at 6:30 regularly. They would both stay up until midnight or maybe even later watching Netflix. And then be exhausted the next morning -- to the point where they asked the nanny to arrive at 7am and they'd immediately go back to bed for another hour or two after passing the kid over. One time the wife took the kid on vacation (husband stayed at home) and decided "why don't I just go to bed at 9pm?" She woke up at sunrise with the kid. Was never tired. Decided it was great. Tried to sell her husband on it (going to bed earlier) and he flat refused because he "needed" those 5+ hours of time to himself every single evening to recover from life.
Thanks for sharing this. The whole self-care mania can absolutely get way out of control
Obviously it's a careful balance, but in terms of modeling the kind of life we want our children to have: if my children are lucky enough to have their own children, I hope they are the kind of parents who cheer enthusiastically from the sidelines, providing moral support for their child who is playing soccer in the cold rain! (Ideally with hot beverages, a canopy, and us grandparents alongside.)
My advice to that mom would be that she absolutely *is* showing her kids something important by being there: that we can have a good attitude about things that aren't our favorite in support of the people we love. Of course supporting your children isn't your entire life, but it is a huge and happy part of a good life...even in the cold rain.
Agree! Model a happy and healthy life - personal, professional, social, etc. - that your child(ren) will want to live.
Heh new friend, love the idea of fix your analog life first. Keep up the great work! Tim Jordan
I really needed to read this post today and receive this message today. Thank you, Katherine!
This is incredibly on-point for so many of my clients. Parenting by Osmosis is a necessary component that has been absent for so many people for so many generations. It is the antithesis of “Do as I say and not as I do”. Thank you for this reminder:)
Definitely agree! I think of how my dad did everything in his power to help us embrace our dreams and interests when I was growing up. Even though we had no money he somehow found creative solutions to guide us into things we cared about. And he had so much genuine joy in doing so... It never felt like we were "the center of the world". Idk, it's hard to explain but it's absolutely a balance.
Good article! Best thing parents can do is get off the devices and go for daily walks with the kids! Let the whole family see that screens are not the priority. Sadly I think this is rare nowadays.
This is fantastic! My mom always like to say "No is not a four-letter word!" Saying no is an essential foundation for self-discipline for us and our children. Also, the conference you described sounds fantastic- opportunity to really develop community and then continue the learning with your book and a ticket to the zoo - get out and do it!
i completely agree with you, but i find this worldview is very hard for modern parents to grasp. I'd love to hear more stories about people who were all in on making kids the center of their world who were able to scale it back.
Good question. I'll need to think about that!
Also hope that you’re still planning on joining our book club at SFCxUS on May 27th for your book? I’m excited to read it this month! Email me at swimmingupscreen@gmail.com if you’ve lost the email trail! 🤗
I am! It's on my calendar.