And here I am, reading this on my phone. You nailed the problem. How many adults have the courage to actually face it? Probably not many. I don’t know that I do.
Yes. I have been saying this for years! But parents don't like to hear it because they don't actually want to change their habits. Hopefully books like yours can help change their minds.
As for parents doing things *off* their phones, one reason why I wrote one handwritten letter every day in 2019 & 2020 was to show my children that writing letters isn't just something that people used to do, but that it is still done today. Hopefully seeing me do that (and read *real* books, etc, etc will have an impact). I wrote about the experience here: https://shannonhood.substack.com/p/why-i-wrote-hundreds-of-handwritten
My husband and I are expecting, and after a nasty bout of being sick with different things for the last three out of four weeks, my screentime increased to a dramatic and alarming level, almost as much as a full-time job. So I decided to learn to discipline myself and give up screen time for Lent as preparation for both disciplining myself, and to create a better habit for when our baby comes. This was a great piece, and I'm so glad I stumbled on your newsletter a few weeks ago.
I have deep grief about this. i tried to give up my iPhone a few years ago and found that i couldn't even go to a restaurant without needing my phone to scan the QR code to read a frickin menu. i work so hard at it - to be mindful and conscientious and intentional about it and .. I'm exhausted. I hate my phone. I've used Catherine Price's How to Break Up with Your Phone book (and loaned it to many friends!!) and did her challenge leading up to phone-free day. sigh. I watched the film "Julie and Julia" the other night after not seeing it since it came out. It was made in 2003, and is essentially a snapshot of life right as social media (via blogs) was just emerging, and phones were not even smart yet. I was enthralled seeing the people on the subway just... looking around instead of on their phones, and how, even then, the friends absorbed in their phones were depicted as being rude. I want our lives back.
I have been wanting to rewatch that movie! I'll take this as my sign to do so. And your description of "deef grief" really resonated with me. That's a profound way of putting it. It does feel like something huge has eroded, or been thrown away by our careless acceptance of whatever new and shiny thing is put in front of us. I might end up writing a post about this...
This really hits it the ball out of the park on screen time criticism. How many of the adults constantly criticizing the younger generations for being on their phones/tablets are ALSO on their phones/tablets??? Man oh man. It is HARD to put the phone away during the day when my toddler is awake and active. I restrict it to necessities and often it feels like a battle because I'm the only one around who is making an effort to reduce my screen time so that my toddler has a somewhat normal childhood. I'm not perfect, he does get about 30-1 hr per day of his favorite tv shows bec I'm exhausted. But, I'm happy I'm trying and maybe others in our lives will join in. My son changes behaviorally if he has too much tv and not for good. The research is there fortunately, just getting people to read it. Sorry for the long post!
Don't apologize! I love hearing from readers. And yes, it is an ongoing challenge indeed. Just know that boredom is good, and kids can figure out ways to entertain themselves when forced to. Too often we go with the path of least resistance because we, the parent, think they need more stimulation. I'm sure you're doing a great job!
This is hard to read because it hits home so clearly and cleanly. Time for all of us to own our mistakes and failings AND take steps to change them. Thank you!
And what about the grandparents? My parents are in their late 60s and horrible for being on their phones or iPads when they come to visit. They talk about how much they miss my kids but spend the majority of the time looking at their phones. I often have to ask them to set it down and pay attention to my kids playing or crafting or just talking to them. Yet, they will comment on how much certain kids in our family are glued to a screen. I think it’s just a habit and I know I can’t change them, but I remind them of our phone and screen rules at our house.
That sounds like a frustrating dilemma. More often, I hear the grandparents lamenting that the parents are modeling poor screen habits for the grandkids, so this is a first! But if they're visiting your home, can you gently remind them of the "rules" beforehand and explain that you'd like devices to stay away as much as possible while you're together? Maybe put a basket in the entrance and ask that all devices be stashed there for the duration of the visit. Ensure that everyone in the family complies so that there's no double standard for anyone. Good luck!
I just discovered your Substack, excited to be here! This is something I've been thinking a lot about and have tried modeling better behavior, but am still a work in progress. I shut my phone off every night around 5 and don't turn it back on until the morning. But during the day I'm not always so good. Anyway, I haven't gone clear back in your archives, but wondering if you have any thoughts on the Aro box? I've been tempted to buy it, but part of me feels lame buying something to keep me off my phone. But I do love the simplicity of just plugging it in and seeing the hours off my phone (which would be the incentive).
Hi! I recently bought your book and I'm writing an article for a publication about this topic. I'd love to interview you to obtain a few quotes. I can't locate your email anywhere but if you're interested, please shoot me your email and we can set up a time for next week. Thanks! - Alex
And here I am, reading this on my phone. You nailed the problem. How many adults have the courage to actually face it? Probably not many. I don’t know that I do.
Yes. I have been saying this for years! But parents don't like to hear it because they don't actually want to change their habits. Hopefully books like yours can help change their minds.
As for parents doing things *off* their phones, one reason why I wrote one handwritten letter every day in 2019 & 2020 was to show my children that writing letters isn't just something that people used to do, but that it is still done today. Hopefully seeing me do that (and read *real* books, etc, etc will have an impact). I wrote about the experience here: https://shannonhood.substack.com/p/why-i-wrote-hundreds-of-handwritten
My husband and I are expecting, and after a nasty bout of being sick with different things for the last three out of four weeks, my screentime increased to a dramatic and alarming level, almost as much as a full-time job. So I decided to learn to discipline myself and give up screen time for Lent as preparation for both disciplining myself, and to create a better habit for when our baby comes. This was a great piece, and I'm so glad I stumbled on your newsletter a few weeks ago.
I have deep grief about this. i tried to give up my iPhone a few years ago and found that i couldn't even go to a restaurant without needing my phone to scan the QR code to read a frickin menu. i work so hard at it - to be mindful and conscientious and intentional about it and .. I'm exhausted. I hate my phone. I've used Catherine Price's How to Break Up with Your Phone book (and loaned it to many friends!!) and did her challenge leading up to phone-free day. sigh. I watched the film "Julie and Julia" the other night after not seeing it since it came out. It was made in 2003, and is essentially a snapshot of life right as social media (via blogs) was just emerging, and phones were not even smart yet. I was enthralled seeing the people on the subway just... looking around instead of on their phones, and how, even then, the friends absorbed in their phones were depicted as being rude. I want our lives back.
I have been wanting to rewatch that movie! I'll take this as my sign to do so. And your description of "deef grief" really resonated with me. That's a profound way of putting it. It does feel like something huge has eroded, or been thrown away by our careless acceptance of whatever new and shiny thing is put in front of us. I might end up writing a post about this...
This really hits it the ball out of the park on screen time criticism. How many of the adults constantly criticizing the younger generations for being on their phones/tablets are ALSO on their phones/tablets??? Man oh man. It is HARD to put the phone away during the day when my toddler is awake and active. I restrict it to necessities and often it feels like a battle because I'm the only one around who is making an effort to reduce my screen time so that my toddler has a somewhat normal childhood. I'm not perfect, he does get about 30-1 hr per day of his favorite tv shows bec I'm exhausted. But, I'm happy I'm trying and maybe others in our lives will join in. My son changes behaviorally if he has too much tv and not for good. The research is there fortunately, just getting people to read it. Sorry for the long post!
Don't apologize! I love hearing from readers. And yes, it is an ongoing challenge indeed. Just know that boredom is good, and kids can figure out ways to entertain themselves when forced to. Too often we go with the path of least resistance because we, the parent, think they need more stimulation. I'm sure you're doing a great job!
This is hard to read because it hits home so clearly and cleanly. Time for all of us to own our mistakes and failings AND take steps to change them. Thank you!
Thanks for reading and commenting! It is a tough challenge we face, but not insurmountable.
And what about the grandparents? My parents are in their late 60s and horrible for being on their phones or iPads when they come to visit. They talk about how much they miss my kids but spend the majority of the time looking at their phones. I often have to ask them to set it down and pay attention to my kids playing or crafting or just talking to them. Yet, they will comment on how much certain kids in our family are glued to a screen. I think it’s just a habit and I know I can’t change them, but I remind them of our phone and screen rules at our house.
That sounds like a frustrating dilemma. More often, I hear the grandparents lamenting that the parents are modeling poor screen habits for the grandkids, so this is a first! But if they're visiting your home, can you gently remind them of the "rules" beforehand and explain that you'd like devices to stay away as much as possible while you're together? Maybe put a basket in the entrance and ask that all devices be stashed there for the duration of the visit. Ensure that everyone in the family complies so that there's no double standard for anyone. Good luck!
I just discovered your Substack, excited to be here! This is something I've been thinking a lot about and have tried modeling better behavior, but am still a work in progress. I shut my phone off every night around 5 and don't turn it back on until the morning. But during the day I'm not always so good. Anyway, I haven't gone clear back in your archives, but wondering if you have any thoughts on the Aro box? I've been tempted to buy it, but part of me feels lame buying something to keep me off my phone. But I do love the simplicity of just plugging it in and seeing the hours off my phone (which would be the incentive).
Hi! I recently bought your book and I'm writing an article for a publication about this topic. I'd love to interview you to obtain a few quotes. I can't locate your email anywhere but if you're interested, please shoot me your email and we can set up a time for next week. Thanks! - Alex
Sure, that would be great. Email is knmartinko@gmail.com. Thanks.
you reminded of a thing so i wrote it:
https://graceofstmary.substack.com/p/we-the-talking-ones
Very nice!