One way our church has simplified this idea is to have a soup and bread dinner. Everyone brings either homemade soup or homemade bread. It's so fun! You get to try different soups and breads and the pressure is off because anyone can make some sort of soup in a crockpot and just bring the whole thing to the potluck and plug it in. We have a few bakers in our midst and they are always happy to bring the bread. This idea could be scaled down to just inviting friends for soup and bread and buy the bread instead of making it. These meals are not super expensive and there is very little clean up. The soup could also be made ahead of time and frozen, thawed and heated in time for the dinner. It's hard to find people that don't enjoy a good homemade soup and there are dozens of tried and true recipes all over the internet.
Years ago, I went to a fundraiser where you got to pick out a handmade bowl and cup and then choose from five or six different soups. I still have my bowl and am still talking about it! Soup and bread make a great communal meal.
It's funny, I guess I get stuck on the invitee thing. I remember reading some similar ideas in another writer's essay and her saying, "I have just gotten over not being invited" and to be honest, I don't know how to get over that or whether I should even try. Reciprocity in relationships matters to me. Not tit-for-tat, but just...not only tat. It may be particular to me -- my family of origin role was as caregiver and I am so tired of that, of being expected just to give.
But I also *sometimes cancel on people when they invite me* because I get overwhelmed by anxiety about the relationship. (I KNOW! What is wrong with me?)
Just keep muddling on, is my plan. And trying different things.
I loved this whole essay! A friend of mine has been doing something similar once a month (with singing and drumming included) and I've wanted to follow suit. The only thing that has felt really intimidating is my living situation isn't conventional. We use a composting toilet (makes folk really uncomfortable to use for some odd reason) and live in a home that is less than 500 sqft. But after reading this essay I had the idea to maybe just do something super simple. Soup Saturdays. I almost always make a soup once a week during the cold months anyways and almost everyone loves a good hot soup! Whoever is coming by, could bring their own bowl and utensils (we don't have very many extras due to our tiny living quarters) and a camping/folding chair. I have 2 or 3 families in mind that I could start inviting that I know don't mind my different living style...
It’s funny how, when it comes to our homes and social circles, we tend to forget that everything is daunting when you’re new to it. Just think of the way we think about a new job - we expect it to become a lot easier after the first months of onboarding, training, learning the systems, etc.
I think we forget that hospitality becomes easier too!
I LOVE the idea of keeping it very low stakes and friendly. I must admit, this has been part of my hesitation with hosting more people because my god I have a tornado of a toddler, and the idea of special grocery shops makes me cringe. More hosting in 2026 - I'm into it!
Wow, the idea of hosting every single week is such an inspiring goal! I too love to host and also notice the imbalance in times my family is asked to be the guests, but if it's a gifting of yours you really can't keep score. Thanks for all your tips and stories!
Amen and three cheers for this! Some dear friends of ours moved outside of the city and we made a deal to meet once a month alternating months at one another's homes. They are a family we have the golden formula with: parents like each other, kids like each other and parents like other families kids, so it was important to make the effort. My husband and I like hosting and our very extraverted only child likes 'having parties' too. I find it easier with kids and we kind of have the crappy dinner party thing down pat (although I like a tidyish house when guests arrive). Yesterday was Epiphany here in Bavaria/Germany so finishing the holidays here in Bavaria. The last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of family visits, hosting and being hosted at friends. I realized we had eaten Raclette 5 times in as many weeks! Right now hosting every Saturday feels daunting, but I just need a break, generally I love the idea.
My family has the same deal with favorite friends that moved outside of our city, also sharing that golden formula of everyone liking everyone and having a very extroverted only child who loves having company over. Let's keep it up!
Yay! Nice to hear this isn't unique to us. This post also inspired me to think about inviting school friend families that live in our neighborhood over.
I also stumbled upon Amanda Litman's project and can't stop thinking about it! We're hosting this weekend and shooting for every weekend in January—tiny steps. I also love the crappy dinner party framing. I'm not a great cook, but it's true that it's about so much more than the food!
Just putting a different view out there as to why some might be more reluctant to host. I think I’m more reluctant to host due to extra cleanup afterwards, a deep seeded need to have my house looking perfectly clean for everyone who even shows up just to drop something off, and other people’s respect for my environment (for example, taking shoes off and some people having a difficult issue with this). I’ll also admit that I much prefer the conversation of my husband and kids to feeling like I have to watch myself so closely on the topics of conversation with family. With my family, we are also judged on our parenting since we don’t spank our kids so I tend to just not invite them around much anymore.
Thanks for sharing!! It really does baffle me how few invites are reciprocated. But I try not to dwell on it — all I can do is keep inviting and make people feel as comfortable as possible in our chaos.
What a wonderful idea! My husband and I and two kids are in a townhouse, with no dishwasher and limited space. But when we moved in, we knew that if we “just waited for the right house” so we could host, then we’d never end up hosting once we got there. We knew we had to start even when the environment didn’t seem conducive. Our townhouse has now seen a Sweet 16 Tea Party, a flower arranging party, a hobbit-themed party, movie nights, and countless other dinner parties, book clubs, and bonfires. We love it!!
Love this so much! Great work being the inviter! I did this a few years ago but only once a month. I do love the idea of keeping it consistent. I do have a family coming over for a fire pit night this weekend though!
And because I work with seniors I encourage inviting your elderly neighbours. We are generally happy to eat early and leave early!
I am taking this to heart and inviting more people over this year.
YES, thank you for this reminder.
Thanks so much for mentioning my work! This investment in social connection pays so many dividends
Your work has been very meaningful to me and my family!
Wow that means so much!
One way our church has simplified this idea is to have a soup and bread dinner. Everyone brings either homemade soup or homemade bread. It's so fun! You get to try different soups and breads and the pressure is off because anyone can make some sort of soup in a crockpot and just bring the whole thing to the potluck and plug it in. We have a few bakers in our midst and they are always happy to bring the bread. This idea could be scaled down to just inviting friends for soup and bread and buy the bread instead of making it. These meals are not super expensive and there is very little clean up. The soup could also be made ahead of time and frozen, thawed and heated in time for the dinner. It's hard to find people that don't enjoy a good homemade soup and there are dozens of tried and true recipes all over the internet.
Years ago, I went to a fundraiser where you got to pick out a handmade bowl and cup and then choose from five or six different soups. I still have my bowl and am still talking about it! Soup and bread make a great communal meal.
Wonderful!
It's funny, I guess I get stuck on the invitee thing. I remember reading some similar ideas in another writer's essay and her saying, "I have just gotten over not being invited" and to be honest, I don't know how to get over that or whether I should even try. Reciprocity in relationships matters to me. Not tit-for-tat, but just...not only tat. It may be particular to me -- my family of origin role was as caregiver and I am so tired of that, of being expected just to give.
But I also *sometimes cancel on people when they invite me* because I get overwhelmed by anxiety about the relationship. (I KNOW! What is wrong with me?)
Just keep muddling on, is my plan. And trying different things.
I loved this whole essay! A friend of mine has been doing something similar once a month (with singing and drumming included) and I've wanted to follow suit. The only thing that has felt really intimidating is my living situation isn't conventional. We use a composting toilet (makes folk really uncomfortable to use for some odd reason) and live in a home that is less than 500 sqft. But after reading this essay I had the idea to maybe just do something super simple. Soup Saturdays. I almost always make a soup once a week during the cold months anyways and almost everyone loves a good hot soup! Whoever is coming by, could bring their own bowl and utensils (we don't have very many extras due to our tiny living quarters) and a camping/folding chair. I have 2 or 3 families in mind that I could start inviting that I know don't mind my different living style...
It’s funny how, when it comes to our homes and social circles, we tend to forget that everything is daunting when you’re new to it. Just think of the way we think about a new job - we expect it to become a lot easier after the first months of onboarding, training, learning the systems, etc.
I think we forget that hospitality becomes easier too!
I LOVE the idea of keeping it very low stakes and friendly. I must admit, this has been part of my hesitation with hosting more people because my god I have a tornado of a toddler, and the idea of special grocery shops makes me cringe. More hosting in 2026 - I'm into it!
Wow, the idea of hosting every single week is such an inspiring goal! I too love to host and also notice the imbalance in times my family is asked to be the guests, but if it's a gifting of yours you really can't keep score. Thanks for all your tips and stories!
Amen and three cheers for this! Some dear friends of ours moved outside of the city and we made a deal to meet once a month alternating months at one another's homes. They are a family we have the golden formula with: parents like each other, kids like each other and parents like other families kids, so it was important to make the effort. My husband and I like hosting and our very extraverted only child likes 'having parties' too. I find it easier with kids and we kind of have the crappy dinner party thing down pat (although I like a tidyish house when guests arrive). Yesterday was Epiphany here in Bavaria/Germany so finishing the holidays here in Bavaria. The last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of family visits, hosting and being hosted at friends. I realized we had eaten Raclette 5 times in as many weeks! Right now hosting every Saturday feels daunting, but I just need a break, generally I love the idea.
My family has the same deal with favorite friends that moved outside of our city, also sharing that golden formula of everyone liking everyone and having a very extroverted only child who loves having company over. Let's keep it up!
Yay! Nice to hear this isn't unique to us. This post also inspired me to think about inviting school friend families that live in our neighborhood over.
I also stumbled upon Amanda Litman's project and can't stop thinking about it! We're hosting this weekend and shooting for every weekend in January—tiny steps. I also love the crappy dinner party framing. I'm not a great cook, but it's true that it's about so much more than the food!
Just putting a different view out there as to why some might be more reluctant to host. I think I’m more reluctant to host due to extra cleanup afterwards, a deep seeded need to have my house looking perfectly clean for everyone who even shows up just to drop something off, and other people’s respect for my environment (for example, taking shoes off and some people having a difficult issue with this). I’ll also admit that I much prefer the conversation of my husband and kids to feeling like I have to watch myself so closely on the topics of conversation with family. With my family, we are also judged on our parenting since we don’t spank our kids so I tend to just not invite them around much anymore.
Really love this piece. Thank you for this!
Thanks for sharing!! It really does baffle me how few invites are reciprocated. But I try not to dwell on it — all I can do is keep inviting and make people feel as comfortable as possible in our chaos.
What a wonderful idea! My husband and I and two kids are in a townhouse, with no dishwasher and limited space. But when we moved in, we knew that if we “just waited for the right house” so we could host, then we’d never end up hosting once we got there. We knew we had to start even when the environment didn’t seem conducive. Our townhouse has now seen a Sweet 16 Tea Party, a flower arranging party, a hobbit-themed party, movie nights, and countless other dinner parties, book clubs, and bonfires. We love it!!
Feels like the world would be a kinder place if we all decided to do this!
Love this so much! Great work being the inviter! I did this a few years ago but only once a month. I do love the idea of keeping it consistent. I do have a family coming over for a fire pit night this weekend though!