Big Things Don't Cancel Out Little Things
Big Things Don't Cancel Out Little Things
Or why there are no shortcuts to a high-quality life.
Hello! Thank you for reading The Analog Family, a place where I write about the benefits of digital minimalism for kids and parents. I’m Katherine, a Canadian writer and editor, mother of 3 kids in elementary, middle, and high school, and author of Childhood Unplugged: Practical Advice to Get Kids Off Screens (2023).
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Somewhere on the Internet, I recently encountered a father giving advice on how to deal with digital media and kids. He said it was important to balance out the “inevitable excessive summer screen time” with fun parent-led activities that would get kids out of their rooms. He suggested doing big special things like weekend camping trips, lengthy hikes, going to overnight camp, visiting interesting adventure playgrounds, zoos, or amusement parks, and hosting get-togethers with other families.
He's not wrong that these are all great activities to do with kids. But I came away with a nagging thought that these so-called big activities do not cancel out the little things, which comprise the reality of a child’s day-to-day life. If a kid is spending between 5.5 and 9 hours a day on screens for entertainment purposes, which is the U.S. national average, then they’re missing out on a great deal of life and learning. Going on the occasional overnight camping trip isn’t going to replace those missed opportunities or reverse the damage caused by too much scrolling.
Quantity Is Quality
There is a tendency in our culture to praise quality over quantity. But we don’t give enough thought to the fact that quantity becomes quality, given time and space for it to accumulate. The quantity of hours spent dictates the quality of a child’s life. I often return to the famous quote by Annie Dillard that puts it so succinctly:
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”
The little things, repeated over time, have a greater influence on us than occasional big things. Yes, we remember the big things more clearly because they stand out, but when it comes to what’s actually shaping us as individuals, it’s the daily repetitive choices and activities that constitute what we do and who we become.
Take diet, for example. I can’t remember most of what I ate during this past month of May, but the details of restaurant dinners on my recent trip to Chicago are seared into my mind. Those decadent one-off feasts, however, are not what nourished my body this month. The real nourishment came from the much less exciting blend of morning oatmeal, lunchtime salads, and homemade curries, stir-fries, and grilled dinners that I made from scratch at home.
A child’s life is not much different. The way in which they use digital media on a daily basis will have a greater effect on them than any number of big-ticket experiences that an enthusiastic and well-meaning parent throws into the mix, in hopes of balancing things out. Unfortunately for the parent, that’s just not how it works. (If only it were that easy!) Sporadic high-quality experiences cannot undo the damage wrought by continuous low-quality activities.
I’d even argue that a kid who is given the gift of an offline, play-based childhood with rare opportunities for anything “special” is ultimately better off than a kid whose screen addiction is punctuated with semi-regular special outings.
No Shortcuts
I urge parents to reconsider their conception of quality vs. quantity, and to consider that it is the small, repeated activities that determine quality more than anything else. There are no shortcuts; we can’t avoid that reality. If we choose to spend our days engaged in work, thoughts, and activities that amplify our experience of life, rather than amputate it, we reap the satisfying reward of a life well-spent.
The question, then, that we need to ask ourselves, is, “How do we want our children to spend their time?”
Do not underestimate the power of eliminating entertainment-based screen time altogether from your child’s life, perhaps starting this summer. By ditching devices, you open the door to a world of possibilities—high-quality play that will stimulate, challenge, and help them to grow in ways that no screen-based game or platform can ever accomplish.
Spend time with your kid, too, but the good news is it doesn’t have to be an expensive, complicated, all-day outing. Enjoy the simple, easy, cheap things together.
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Loved this. When I think back to my childhood I certainly remember the vacations my family took, but mostly I think of the time I spent playing with dolls and in my yard.
When I was 12 I was gifted an iPod touch. My access to it was never restricted and I spent hours and hours of precious teenage time scrolling. I’ve continued to use mindless scrolling as a crutch even 15 years later. I have had to slowly and painfully wean myself off it for years but it is so so hard. I will definitely heavily restrict screen use for my own children..I don’t want them to suffer like this.
Love this. There *is* a power in eliminating screen-based entertainment from a child’s life; in fact, I believe that “real life” begins when screens are removed and children must reckon with all the wonders of reality: nature, books, music, relationships, games, etc. Thank you for speaking out on this subject!!