I married a rancher (cow/calf - dryland wheat) and boy the biggest problem I encounter is when well read well educated people from urban areas want to come and tell us how to do it better. And often they can't grasp, the scale, the lack of help the realities of weather, steep canyons, distances etc.
Yes! I am a city dweller who has lived on a farm in rural Kentucky (not far from where Barbara Kingsolver grew up!)as an adult and I do speak up when people make ignorant remarks about Appalachia/rural life. I admit I made those remarks as a child because of media and how the adults in my suburban town spoke. And then I grew up and started to know better.
Having lived in both places, I do think there are way more similarities than either area wants to admit, especially the bad things that people pretend only exist in cities. Underfunded schools, drugs, crime, intolerant behavior of others, child neglect, spousal abuse, lack of quality healthcare, we've all got it. If we could stop being so divided, maybe something could actually change.
I will say the suburbs are my least favorite. Give me a city or give me the country/small town, but a place only made up of shopping cebters and housinfg developments off of busy roads,, full of people who think they will die as soon as they enter the city or the country, never again.
That is a bold and sweeping generalization, to suggest that rural people lack education, experience, opportunity. Have you spent time living in rural areas? Do you have friends in the country? As I mentioned in the article that we're commenting on right now, my parents and many of the other adults I knew had university educations, but had chosen to relocate to the forest. I am a product of that world, and I had phenomenal opportunities, precisely because of where I lived.
Speak for yourself. The world is a wide open place with opportunities, experience and education wherever you go. I'm from rural North Carolina (NC), we had colleges within 30 mins and online colleges are available everywhere. Experience??? Being able to enjoy the land and not have to deal with everyone up your butt, as well as being able to form conversations with others - that many in cities lack. Opportunities? It depends what YOU want to do with your life. The farmer boys went to agricultural colleges and came back home AND NEWSFLASH they're generating your food. So don't be condescending and rude.
Gibberish is your response when confronted with facts. The rural parts of the world are vast and numerous, if you want to paint the whole rural landscape with a broad brush and say it's bad, no good points, stay close minded.
It is hard to know how to respond to your piece. I agree with you about the value of rural education, learning nature, learning to take care of yourself and others. Being creative in the absence of stuff. Showing kindness to neighbors and valuing space and peace. At the same time in my rural area of Virginia there is a heavy resistance to change, a love of big unnecessary trucks, burning too much fuel, dislike of climate change talk, and Trump flags or posters in a lot of yards. Many think the greatest threat to the area are people of color, immigrants and blacks. My children, who are adopted and black, felt threatened on school buses from folks who are descendants of slaveowners, who likely think that black and brown people should at least be indentured servants or sharecroppers that stay in their place. Voting against their own self-interest is the norm around here. So how do you reconcile that with a life that provides a much broader set of skills than any suburban kids will ever develop? Rural is a mixed bag, and anyone reading Barbara Kingsolver's books will learn of that mix. She is a favorite author of mine - a progressive rural who loves the land but recognizes the foolishness of those who refuse to change or acknowledge the downside of society. Any view of the rural from a single perspective, including my own, is bound to be wrong simply because no one has the ability to see actually the breadth of what is here, bound up in a wide ranging set of contradictions.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. It has given me lots to think about. My initial reaction is that I hadn't considered the differences between Canada and the U.S. The rural vs urban divide is not as deeply political here as it is in the U.S., or perhaps Canadians are just a lot more subtle about it! But I do agree that any view is merely a single person's perspective, far from comprehensive—and my experience of growing up rurally was profoundly positive overall. It does not mean everyone's was.
My American husband worked for a Canadian company and we met so many nice engineers from Saskatoon that were very conservative but very subtle about it, at least over lunch.
I think a lot about this topic. I was raised off grid and now live in Silicon Valley.
I primarily grew up in a poor, abusive, addict-filled home. In that home, I am also a first-generation college student. Almost everyone who attended our school and lived outside of town had a similar childhood, I'd not worse.
This home also happened to be a Deaf and Hard of Hearing household. I'm a CODA.
I also, for 48 hours twice a month, grew up in a small city, with a parent with a master's degree who wore suits to work. I got paid for good grades, was required to learn a musical instrument for 6 years, and practice 45 minutes a day. Those 96 hours a month saved my life.
I agree that the media and Hollywood depict rural dwellers in a very specific flavor, and as you described.
Unfortunately, my life would reinforce that, largely but not entirely inaccurate, stereotype. And when I see those movies and books, I see me and I feel validated that someone knows how bad it can be.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how challenging that must have been, and I'm glad you had those weekends away from such a trying environment. No place is perfect, and I certainly don't assume that dysfunction does not exist in rural settings. I will continue to reflect on your perspective!
I grew up in rural North Carolina (NC), as a black woman with a single mother and a dysfunctional family that moved from an urban city to NC when I was 3 because my uncle was killed in drug related gang violence.
I was primarily surrounded by other black people and "racism" went both ways. Most of the black people I was around could not wait to speak of their hatred for whites and as a young child in the early 2000s, I found it strange, but just how life is. People have this idea of what "black people" are from tv, movies, academia and yet never live among black people and are surprised to find out that many just do not like whites.
My mother taught me to respect and care for everyone but that even though "racism" existed, I'd be fine. And I was. I'm grateful I spent my childhood in the rural parts of the country. Urban kids with a lack of supervision probably got in way more trouble than I did. Since in the early 2000s, homelessness and drugs hadn't hit my town yet. By the 2020s, that had changed.
I appreciate the slower pace, ability to focus on what's in front of you and being able to have conversations with those around you (that may be due to southern culture - not rural though). It's annoying to see people in LA/NYC say how bad the rural south of the US is. But, boy do you reap what you sow. Those "intelligent people" are being squatted out of their homes, homeless open air drug camps, violence on unseen scales, and illegal immigrants causing mayhem.
I hope I get to move back to the rural south, one day. The past 10 years, I've moved from one urban city to another. Nothing really beats not living on top of each other.
Thanks for your comment, Nicole. I was fascinated by what you wrote. I'm starting to think that the U.S. and Canadian rural experiences are quite different! I think there is a lot more racial and political tension in the U.S. than here that divides urban and rural. I agree with you that nothing beats having space to live and move—and people to talk to who know you. I hope you are able to move back to the south someday! I traveled to SC/NC/GA last year with my family and it was lovely. We still dream of the barbecue we had there.
Yes, it is all so different depending on where you are. I've met people from other rural places all over the US and each had a different experience. I think most people I knew had children and started re-thinking whether urban is "actually" better than rural or even suburban. I miss southern barbecue! I mean the food, is just overall great.
Lovely piece. I can relate. I grew up in a small town where nothing ever happened. We all watched movies and shows produced by important people who come from more important places and unfortunately, they influenced me. I couldn't appreciate my small (beautiful) town and I couldn't wait to leave. So, I did the city thing, college, grad school, and all that. And my God it was sooo stressful! Sadly, it took me years to realize how stressed out I was (and how disconnected from nature I had become).
I've come back to a small town, on an island, and my angst has lessened. I still have to go into the city from time to time and when I drive my car off the ferry and back onto the island, I can exhale in relief! I love living in a place where I can hear the birds, and where it gets alllll the way dark at night. I feel like the people who never left the small town and instead, lived simple lives, working as grocery store clerks, or truck drivers actually had things much more figured out than I did.
This is a lovely piece; your childhood sounds fascinating! I grew up in the South and many of my fellow East Coast liberals regard Southerners in similar ways. That said, as other comments have alluded to, many rural parts of US increasingly embrace extremely regressive policies (not all, but the alignment is pretty staggering). So, the critique of (and stereotyping of) rural dwellers is often mixed up with the problematic policies in rural places. And there’s probably a splash of classism in there too.
I grew up in a very small rural town in Pennsylvania. I absolutely loved my daily wanderings in the woods. I totally relate to this post. People there are different, and accents and customs do exist. As a "grownup" I do wonder why this particular cultural diversity is simply not appreciated. I spent some time living in Philadelphia as a young adult. I totally relate to another poster, city or country please...no suburbs! I am so happy to have recently have moved to a great rural town bordering national forest. We don't have woods in the backyard, pasture only...but we often take our kids 'out to eat' in the woods and I take great pleasure in seeing them find their own relationships with the local forest. I also LOVE B.K.!
I may be completely off the mark with this, but I think the glorification of image over function in media leads to a sort of downgrading of what lies beneath the clothing, skin, and mannerisms of a human. Having experienced a pretty even split between living in urban, suburban, and rural areas, I have to say that while I truly love aspects of city life my appreciation for "undereducated rural communities" has only increased with time. Yes, the same problems exist everywhere in every community. Yes, there is drug abuse and active racism and child neglect and spouse abuse, etc. There's a lot of undeniable nuance. But in my experience the truly rural communities are the places where a neighbor will answer the door if you come knocking with a need, will show up with a basket of food when you move into the community, will bring a tractor to help with clearing fallen trees from driveways after a storm, will take responsibility on themselves to remove debris and large roadkill from roadways, and where people will stop to help — not pull out their phones to film — if your cows jump the fence. There's a reassurance in that sort of rugged reliability that I have yet to find in urban communities.
Just had a read of the comments and I can't help but think that most people have missed the point of your post - why do Americans always have to make everything political? Your post is clearly just an appreciation for 'the quiet life', not an invitation for everyone to air their grievances over their own rural childhoods. Narcissism much? The comment section is not free therapy.
Coincidentally I drafted a post yesterday about living a quiet/rural life. I'll definitely be referencing this post, I could've written large parts of it myself!
While I can't speak to rural living, I grew up riding and working with horses. I leased horses and worked at the barn to cover the costs. It was hard af! And now as an adult in my mid-30s I've taken a part-time job working with horses again after 7 years of customer service jobs at a desk. Specifically in my closet all alone during COVID. I got laid off last fall, moved back to my home state (with a THRIVING horse scene - Maryland), and this past February started working with horses again. And next week I start a full time job (with benefits!) with horses. I am literally doing basic farm chores - cleaning stalls, emptying/filling water buckets, feeding, throwing hay bales around and I am loving it. Your point that your parents lived every day like they were intensely lucky and grateful really struck me. I want to feel that way too! I'm in the process of moving to a more suburban and walkable area and I love that I'll be able to take care of horses during the day and walk to dinner at night.
I married a rancher (cow/calf - dryland wheat) and boy the biggest problem I encounter is when well read well educated people from urban areas want to come and tell us how to do it better. And often they can't grasp, the scale, the lack of help the realities of weather, steep canyons, distances etc.
Yes! I am a city dweller who has lived on a farm in rural Kentucky (not far from where Barbara Kingsolver grew up!)as an adult and I do speak up when people make ignorant remarks about Appalachia/rural life. I admit I made those remarks as a child because of media and how the adults in my suburban town spoke. And then I grew up and started to know better.
Having lived in both places, I do think there are way more similarities than either area wants to admit, especially the bad things that people pretend only exist in cities. Underfunded schools, drugs, crime, intolerant behavior of others, child neglect, spousal abuse, lack of quality healthcare, we've all got it. If we could stop being so divided, maybe something could actually change.
I will say the suburbs are my least favorite. Give me a city or give me the country/small town, but a place only made up of shopping cebters and housinfg developments off of busy roads,, full of people who think they will die as soon as they enter the city or the country, never again.
You're absolutely right that there are many problems in rural areas, too. No place is perfect.
That is a bold and sweeping generalization, to suggest that rural people lack education, experience, opportunity. Have you spent time living in rural areas? Do you have friends in the country? As I mentioned in the article that we're commenting on right now, my parents and many of the other adults I knew had university educations, but had chosen to relocate to the forest. I am a product of that world, and I had phenomenal opportunities, precisely because of where I lived.
Speak for yourself. The world is a wide open place with opportunities, experience and education wherever you go. I'm from rural North Carolina (NC), we had colleges within 30 mins and online colleges are available everywhere. Experience??? Being able to enjoy the land and not have to deal with everyone up your butt, as well as being able to form conversations with others - that many in cities lack. Opportunities? It depends what YOU want to do with your life. The farmer boys went to agricultural colleges and came back home AND NEWSFLASH they're generating your food. So don't be condescending and rude.
Gibberish is your response when confronted with facts. The rural parts of the world are vast and numerous, if you want to paint the whole rural landscape with a broad brush and say it's bad, no good points, stay close minded.
It is hard to know how to respond to your piece. I agree with you about the value of rural education, learning nature, learning to take care of yourself and others. Being creative in the absence of stuff. Showing kindness to neighbors and valuing space and peace. At the same time in my rural area of Virginia there is a heavy resistance to change, a love of big unnecessary trucks, burning too much fuel, dislike of climate change talk, and Trump flags or posters in a lot of yards. Many think the greatest threat to the area are people of color, immigrants and blacks. My children, who are adopted and black, felt threatened on school buses from folks who are descendants of slaveowners, who likely think that black and brown people should at least be indentured servants or sharecroppers that stay in their place. Voting against their own self-interest is the norm around here. So how do you reconcile that with a life that provides a much broader set of skills than any suburban kids will ever develop? Rural is a mixed bag, and anyone reading Barbara Kingsolver's books will learn of that mix. She is a favorite author of mine - a progressive rural who loves the land but recognizes the foolishness of those who refuse to change or acknowledge the downside of society. Any view of the rural from a single perspective, including my own, is bound to be wrong simply because no one has the ability to see actually the breadth of what is here, bound up in a wide ranging set of contradictions.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. It has given me lots to think about. My initial reaction is that I hadn't considered the differences between Canada and the U.S. The rural vs urban divide is not as deeply political here as it is in the U.S., or perhaps Canadians are just a lot more subtle about it! But I do agree that any view is merely a single person's perspective, far from comprehensive—and my experience of growing up rurally was profoundly positive overall. It does not mean everyone's was.
My American husband worked for a Canadian company and we met so many nice engineers from Saskatoon that were very conservative but very subtle about it, at least over lunch.
I think a lot about this topic. I was raised off grid and now live in Silicon Valley.
I primarily grew up in a poor, abusive, addict-filled home. In that home, I am also a first-generation college student. Almost everyone who attended our school and lived outside of town had a similar childhood, I'd not worse.
This home also happened to be a Deaf and Hard of Hearing household. I'm a CODA.
I also, for 48 hours twice a month, grew up in a small city, with a parent with a master's degree who wore suits to work. I got paid for good grades, was required to learn a musical instrument for 6 years, and practice 45 minutes a day. Those 96 hours a month saved my life.
I agree that the media and Hollywood depict rural dwellers in a very specific flavor, and as you described.
Unfortunately, my life would reinforce that, largely but not entirely inaccurate, stereotype. And when I see those movies and books, I see me and I feel validated that someone knows how bad it can be.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine how challenging that must have been, and I'm glad you had those weekends away from such a trying environment. No place is perfect, and I certainly don't assume that dysfunction does not exist in rural settings. I will continue to reflect on your perspective!
I agree with you - no place is perfect. And all places have good!
I grew up in rural North Carolina (NC), as a black woman with a single mother and a dysfunctional family that moved from an urban city to NC when I was 3 because my uncle was killed in drug related gang violence.
I was primarily surrounded by other black people and "racism" went both ways. Most of the black people I was around could not wait to speak of their hatred for whites and as a young child in the early 2000s, I found it strange, but just how life is. People have this idea of what "black people" are from tv, movies, academia and yet never live among black people and are surprised to find out that many just do not like whites.
My mother taught me to respect and care for everyone but that even though "racism" existed, I'd be fine. And I was. I'm grateful I spent my childhood in the rural parts of the country. Urban kids with a lack of supervision probably got in way more trouble than I did. Since in the early 2000s, homelessness and drugs hadn't hit my town yet. By the 2020s, that had changed.
I appreciate the slower pace, ability to focus on what's in front of you and being able to have conversations with those around you (that may be due to southern culture - not rural though). It's annoying to see people in LA/NYC say how bad the rural south of the US is. But, boy do you reap what you sow. Those "intelligent people" are being squatted out of their homes, homeless open air drug camps, violence on unseen scales, and illegal immigrants causing mayhem.
I hope I get to move back to the rural south, one day. The past 10 years, I've moved from one urban city to another. Nothing really beats not living on top of each other.
Thanks for your comment, Nicole. I was fascinated by what you wrote. I'm starting to think that the U.S. and Canadian rural experiences are quite different! I think there is a lot more racial and political tension in the U.S. than here that divides urban and rural. I agree with you that nothing beats having space to live and move—and people to talk to who know you. I hope you are able to move back to the south someday! I traveled to SC/NC/GA last year with my family and it was lovely. We still dream of the barbecue we had there.
Yes, it is all so different depending on where you are. I've met people from other rural places all over the US and each had a different experience. I think most people I knew had children and started re-thinking whether urban is "actually" better than rural or even suburban. I miss southern barbecue! I mean the food, is just overall great.
And thanks for the hope!
Lovely piece. I can relate. I grew up in a small town where nothing ever happened. We all watched movies and shows produced by important people who come from more important places and unfortunately, they influenced me. I couldn't appreciate my small (beautiful) town and I couldn't wait to leave. So, I did the city thing, college, grad school, and all that. And my God it was sooo stressful! Sadly, it took me years to realize how stressed out I was (and how disconnected from nature I had become).
I've come back to a small town, on an island, and my angst has lessened. I still have to go into the city from time to time and when I drive my car off the ferry and back onto the island, I can exhale in relief! I love living in a place where I can hear the birds, and where it gets alllll the way dark at night. I feel like the people who never left the small town and instead, lived simple lives, working as grocery store clerks, or truck drivers actually had things much more figured out than I did.
This is a lovely piece; your childhood sounds fascinating! I grew up in the South and many of my fellow East Coast liberals regard Southerners in similar ways. That said, as other comments have alluded to, many rural parts of US increasingly embrace extremely regressive policies (not all, but the alignment is pretty staggering). So, the critique of (and stereotyping of) rural dwellers is often mixed up with the problematic policies in rural places. And there’s probably a splash of classism in there too.
I grew up in a very small rural town in Pennsylvania. I absolutely loved my daily wanderings in the woods. I totally relate to this post. People there are different, and accents and customs do exist. As a "grownup" I do wonder why this particular cultural diversity is simply not appreciated. I spent some time living in Philadelphia as a young adult. I totally relate to another poster, city or country please...no suburbs! I am so happy to have recently have moved to a great rural town bordering national forest. We don't have woods in the backyard, pasture only...but we often take our kids 'out to eat' in the woods and I take great pleasure in seeing them find their own relationships with the local forest. I also LOVE B.K.!
I may be completely off the mark with this, but I think the glorification of image over function in media leads to a sort of downgrading of what lies beneath the clothing, skin, and mannerisms of a human. Having experienced a pretty even split between living in urban, suburban, and rural areas, I have to say that while I truly love aspects of city life my appreciation for "undereducated rural communities" has only increased with time. Yes, the same problems exist everywhere in every community. Yes, there is drug abuse and active racism and child neglect and spouse abuse, etc. There's a lot of undeniable nuance. But in my experience the truly rural communities are the places where a neighbor will answer the door if you come knocking with a need, will show up with a basket of food when you move into the community, will bring a tractor to help with clearing fallen trees from driveways after a storm, will take responsibility on themselves to remove debris and large roadkill from roadways, and where people will stop to help — not pull out their phones to film — if your cows jump the fence. There's a reassurance in that sort of rugged reliability that I have yet to find in urban communities.
White people are universally considered to be subhuman scum. It’s been this way for a long time.
You get used to it. Being subhuman scum makes the adjustment easier, I suppose.
Fantastic. I really feel all this as an Oberlin College philosophy grad who chooses to live in the great north woods of northern Michigan.
Just had a read of the comments and I can't help but think that most people have missed the point of your post - why do Americans always have to make everything political? Your post is clearly just an appreciation for 'the quiet life', not an invitation for everyone to air their grievances over their own rural childhoods. Narcissism much? The comment section is not free therapy.
Coincidentally I drafted a post yesterday about living a quiet/rural life. I'll definitely be referencing this post, I could've written large parts of it myself!
While I can't speak to rural living, I grew up riding and working with horses. I leased horses and worked at the barn to cover the costs. It was hard af! And now as an adult in my mid-30s I've taken a part-time job working with horses again after 7 years of customer service jobs at a desk. Specifically in my closet all alone during COVID. I got laid off last fall, moved back to my home state (with a THRIVING horse scene - Maryland), and this past February started working with horses again. And next week I start a full time job (with benefits!) with horses. I am literally doing basic farm chores - cleaning stalls, emptying/filling water buckets, feeding, throwing hay bales around and I am loving it. Your point that your parents lived every day like they were intensely lucky and grateful really struck me. I want to feel that way too! I'm in the process of moving to a more suburban and walkable area and I love that I'll be able to take care of horses during the day and walk to dinner at night.